It can be a crushing feeling when you realize how much time you wasted in a relationship with someone who was not worthy of it. It’s especially tough to take when the person has betrayed your trust, such as by having an affair with the brother of one of your closest friends. This individual does not deserve the effort and care that you put out and it is hard not to feel enraged and hurt.
Though it may seem like these four years were enough time wasted in a situation that caused you so much heartache, you can take this opportunity to learn from it and become stronger. Everyone makes mistakes at some point, even if they are big ones, and it is important to not let this experience define you. Allow yourself to accept what has happened, grieve for a short period of time and then try to use this as your growth experience. Reflecting on the memories can prove useful in helping you determine what to do differently moving forward.
At this point, it may be prudent for you to stop any contact with him. Staying around him likely caused you to make excuses for his bad behavior and kept you from getting away from the toxic situation. After the initial shock of the incident wears off, spend more time surrounded by people who make you feel good -- focus on your family and friends who truly care about you. Don’t let the opinions of others make you feel bad about the choice that you made or blame yourself as if it was your fault he cheated.
Looking ahead, it may be helpful to start developing a list of traits that you would seek in a future partner. That way, you don’t repeat the same error in judgment. Your feelings are valid and it is both normal and acceptable to feel whatever you need to during this time. Try to talk openly with someone close to you or maybe a professional if what you’re feeling becomes overwhelming.
An additional idea could be to either find a trusted significant other to offer support or a group that also went through similar issues. Connecting with individuals who share your story can be truly therapeutic. It provides an outlet to vent your struggles and hear advice from those in a similar boat. Maybe take up a new hobby or get involved in activities that promote your personal growth. Think of ways to celebrate the chapters that have ended and be proud of the milestones you overcame.
The most important thing is to recognize that in order to move forward, you can no longer be held captive by the person who was undeserving and ungrateful of your commitment and devotion. Acknowledge the lessons you have taken away and use them to create space for true healing. When the right person eventually comes along, you will be all the wiser.
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