How to Move on from a Married Guy (That You Deserve More!)

Key Takeaways:

• Cut off all contact immediately
• Social media creates unhealthy obsessions
• Embrace distractions for emotional growth
• Value yourself and your time
• Therapy can speed up healing

The Heartbreak of Loving a Married Man

Loving someone who's married is a unique kind of emotional pain, and you might feel torn between your feelings for him and the reality of his commitments. We don't choose who we fall in love with, but we can choose how we respond once we realize the situation is not going to lead to happiness. When we're caught up in this kind of relationship, we often end up putting our own needs and well-being on hold.

It's hard to let go, especially when there are emotional ties, but the longer you hold on, the more you risk losing yourself in the process. The reality is that if he's married, you'll always come second, if not last, and that's not fair to you. You deserve more than the crumbs of affection that might occasionally come your way. Let's start taking the steps toward healing.

Be Real with Yourself: A Harsh but Necessary Step

The first and hardest part of moving on is admitting the truth to yourself. No matter what excuses you tell yourself, the bottom line is clear: he's unavailable, emotionally and legally tied to someone else. That hurts, but it's a necessary realization to make. Living in denial only prolongs the heartbreak.

Think about it. Every moment spent hoping or waiting is a moment you could spend building a life where you're the priority, not the afterthought. And let's face it, you deserve to be someone's number one. By coming to terms with this harsh truth, you're already taking the first powerful step toward healing.

Why Cutting Off Contact is Crucial

Let's get straight to the point. If you're serious about moving on, cutting off all contact is non-negotiable. Keeping his number or occasionally checking in “just to see” only drags out your emotional attachment. It's tempting to hold on to any connection, but that will keep you stuck in a loop of emotional turmoil.

By cutting ties, you're making a bold statement to yourself: you're worth more than a second-place role in someone else's life. The more you engage with him, the harder it will be to let go. You're not giving yourself the space to heal if he's always in the background. Deleting his number, blocking him on social media, and resisting the urge to send that late-night text is difficult but necessary.

As relationship expert Esther Perel puts it, “Closure is a myth.” Instead of waiting for closure from him, create your own by cutting off communication and starting to reclaim your emotional independence.

Social Media Detox: Stop Obsessing Over Him

Social media can be one of the biggest obstacles when trying to move on from someone. It's too easy to slip into the habit of stalking his profiles, wondering what he's up to, or even worse, comparing yourself to his wife or his other connections. This only deepens your emotional attachment and fuels your insecurities.

You need to put the brakes on. Consider doing a complete social media detox, or at the very least, unfollow him, mute his posts, and stop any form of digital stalking. Every time you scroll through his feed, you're reopening emotional wounds and holding yourself back from moving forward.

Take back control of your emotional space by limiting what you see and consume. Out of sight, out of mind might be a cliché, but it works. By cutting off that visual reminder of him, you'll start to break free from the grip he has on your heart.

Understanding Emotional Dependence and Breaking Free

It's easy to confuse love with emotional dependence, especially when you're involved with someone who can't fully commit to you. Emotional dependence happens when your happiness and sense of self-worth become tied to someone else's actions or attention. This happens far more often than we realize, particularly in relationships where one person holds all the power.

In a situation where the man you care about is married, it's not uncommon to develop a form of dependency on the crumbs of affection and attention he gives you. You wait for his messages, you rely on the moments when he can steal time away for you. It creates a cycle that's difficult to break free from. But here's the thing: real love shouldn't feel like a starvation diet for your heart.

Psychologist Dr. Harriet Lerner, author of "The Dance of Intimacy," reminds us, “We repeat what we don't repair.” So, if you don't address the underlying emotional dependence, you're likely to carry the same patterns into your next relationship. Acknowledging this dynamic is the first step to breaking free from it. You deserve a connection that's mutual and fulfilling—not one that makes you feel small or unimportant.

Engaging Your Mind: Productive Distractions

When you're trying to move on from a painful relationship, the worst thing you can do is sit around thinking about it all day. As the old saying goes, "An empty mind is the devil's workshop." If you let yourself wallow in the sadness or fixate on what could have been, you're just prolonging your suffering. That's why you need to actively engage your mind with productive distractions.

Consider taking up a new hobby, diving into a passion project, or learning a new skill. These aren't just “distractions”—they're ways to refocus your energy and thoughts toward something that benefits you. By filling your time with activities that stimulate your mind, you leave less room for thoughts of him to creep in.

This isn't about avoiding your emotions, though. You need to face them, but you also need to give yourself some breathing space. Hobbies, work, and social activities can help provide that balance, allowing your emotions to settle without overwhelming you. Over time, these distractions will shift from being ways to cope into new sources of joy and fulfillment.

Surround Yourself with New People, New Energy

One of the most powerful ways to heal from a difficult relationship is to surround yourself with new people who bring fresh, positive energy into your life. It's easy to get stuck in a social circle that constantly reminds you of the person you're trying to move on from, but widening your network can help break that emotional pattern.

New friendships and social connections provide opportunities for growth and open you up to different perspectives. Whether it's joining a new club, attending events, or simply reaching out to people you haven't spent much time with before, these interactions will offer emotional support and help you focus on the present instead of the past.

People with strong social support networks tend to recover from emotional setbacks more quickly, according to research from the American Psychological Association. So, make the effort to connect with those who uplift and inspire you. You may even discover new interests, passions, or connections that completely reshape your view of what you need in a relationship.

Rediscover the Joy of Self-Care and Personal Growth

When you've been stuck in an emotionally draining relationship, it's easy to forget how to take care of yourself. Self-care is often the first thing that falls by the wayside when your mind is consumed by someone who doesn't prioritize you. Now is the time to refocus on yourself and rediscover the joy of personal growth.

This could be as simple as treating yourself to a relaxing bath or as transformative as setting long-term fitness or career goals. It's about refocusing the energy you used to put into the relationship and directing it back into nurturing your own well-being. Self-care isn't selfish—it's necessary. Without it, you can't be your best self, and you definitely can't be ready for a healthy relationship in the future.

Personal growth also plays a huge role in this process. As you heal, take the opportunity to reflect on what you've learned from this experience. Think about how you want to grow moving forward. Whether it's through therapy, journaling, or meditation, committing to self-growth will help you rebuild your confidence and discover new parts of yourself.

The Importance of Time and Self-Worth

Time is one of the most valuable things we have, and it's important to remember that you can never get it back. Every moment you spend thinking about him, waiting for his attention, or hoping things will change is time you could be spending on yourself and your own happiness. Time is an investment, and you should be investing it in people and activities that bring you joy, not in relationships that leave you feeling less than.

Learning to value your time is directly tied to learning to value yourself. When you truly believe that you are worth more than the scraps of attention or affection someone offers, you start making different choices. You stop settling for less and start demanding the respect and love you deserve. Respect your time, and it will become easier to respect yourself.

As the philosopher Nathaniel Branden famously wrote, “No one is coming to save you. You have to do the work of saving yourself.” This journey isn't about him; it's about you reclaiming your time, energy, and self-worth.

Learning to See the Red Flags

One of the hardest parts about ending a relationship, especially with someone who's married, is recognizing that there were red flags all along. Often, we ignore or downplay these warning signs because we want the relationship to work. But if you're serious about moving forward and avoiding future heartbreak, it's crucial to learn how to spot these red flags early.

Red flags can come in many forms: emotional unavailability, secrecy, constant excuses, or being made to feel like a "secret" in his life. These are all signs that something is wrong, and they often indicate that the relationship won't be healthy or fulfilling. Take this time to reflect on the patterns you've experienced so far and ask yourself what you might have ignored or overlooked.

Going forward, use this knowledge to set clear boundaries and be more mindful of the signs that something isn't right. Remember, it's not just about avoiding bad relationships—it's about actively seeking relationships where you are respected, valued, and treated as a priority.

Professional Help: Therapy for Emotional Healing

Sometimes, moving on from a difficult relationship isn't something we can do alone. Seeking professional help, such as therapy, can be one of the most powerful tools in your healing journey. A therapist can provide you with the space to explore your emotions, unpack the patterns that led to your situation, and help you understand why you've stayed in a relationship that's not fulfilling.

Therapy also helps you process feelings of rejection, abandonment, or guilt, which are common when breaking away from someone who is emotionally unavailable. It's about more than just “getting over” the person. Therapy gives you the skills to strengthen your self-worth, create healthy boundaries, and set the stage for a fulfilling relationship in the future.

Many people mistakenly believe they should be able to handle their emotions on their own. But as Brené Brown writes in her book "The Gifts of Imperfection," “We don't have to do it all alone. We were never meant to.” Professional help can offer new perspectives and actionable steps to help you heal faster and more effectively.

How to Become Irresistible to the Right Man

The journey of moving on isn't just about forgetting the wrong person—it's about becoming the best version of yourself, the version that naturally attracts the right kind of man. The key to becoming irresistible to the right person isn't about changing who you are; it's about embracing your authenticity, confidence, and self-worth.

Men who are emotionally available and ready for a committed relationship are drawn to women who know their value and aren't willing to settle for less. Confidence, independence, and emotional maturity are traits that make you magnetic to the right person, and these are qualities you can cultivate as you heal from your past relationships.

Focus on your growth, your passions, and your happiness. When you become whole within yourself, you no longer feel the need to chase love or validation. Instead, you attract it effortlessly. The right man will be drawn to your strength and self-assuredness, seeing you as a partner, not an option.

Recommended Resources

• "The Dance of Intimacy" by Harriet Lerner
• "The Gifts of Imperfection" by Brené Brown
• "Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment" by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller