How to Get Over Your Ex (Without Looking Back)

Key Takeaways:

• Understand why moving on feels tough
• Empower yourself with new activities
• Rely on support, not destiny
• Establish a consistent daily routine
• Take control of your emotional healing

Why It's So Hard to Move On

Let's talk about why breakups hit us so hard. When a relationship ends, it's not just about losing a person—it's about losing the future you envisioned with them. That can make moving on feel like you're grieving more than just the relationship; you're grieving your plans, your dreams, and your idea of what "could have been." It's normal to feel stuck because the brain holds onto familiar patterns. Psychologist Helen Fisher describes this as the brain going through a state of "romantic rejection" that triggers the same pathways associated with addiction.

The attachment you had to your ex is real, and you shouldn't dismiss it. Acknowledge that your brain is rewiring, and that takes time. The important part is to understand this is temporary, and with effort, you can recover and start focusing on yourself again.

Become Empowered and Take Control of Your Life

This is where it all begins—taking control of your life. It's tempting to sit back and wait for time to heal your wounds, but let's be real: time alone doesn't solve everything. You have to become an active participant in your healing. Start small. Take charge of things you can control, like your daily habits and mindset.

Feeling powerless after a breakup can make you spiral into negativity. By becoming empowered, you rebuild your sense of identity, which can get blurred when you're in a relationship. Start saying ‘yes' to things that scare you or push you out of your comfort zone. New activities, new people, and even new challenges will remind you that you are capable of more than you think.

Empowerment isn't just about doing big, bold things; it's about those daily victories too. Did you manage to get out of bed and go for that jog? That's empowerment. Did you reach out to a friend to vent? That's empowerment. By reclaiming control over your life, little by little, you begin to see that you can rebuild it in a way that feels right for you.

Get Your Career Back on Track

Breakups often shake up every aspect of life, including your career. Whether you've been distracted, underperforming, or simply not feeling motivated, getting your professional life back on track can be a powerful way to regain control and refocus. When you put energy into your career, you're building a future for yourself—one that isn't tied to anyone else's narrative but your own.

Start by identifying any gaps that have developed while your mind was elsewhere. Were you neglecting certain tasks? Are there projects you can throw yourself into that spark interest again? Set small, achievable goals. Reorganize your workspace, or even give it a makeover, so it feels fresh and inviting. This can help jumpstart your focus.

Getting your career on track doesn't just provide financial stability; it also gives you a sense of purpose and direction, which is crucial for moving forward. If you can, take advantage of any opportunities for professional growth. Whether it's learning a new skill, taking on extra responsibilities, or even seeking a promotion, this momentum will help shift your focus away from the past and back to what you can achieve now.

Try New Hobbies to Redirect Your Focus

Idle hands, right? After a breakup, our minds can race, dwelling on the past. One way to combat this is to immerse yourself in new hobbies. By trying something new, you're not just passing the time; you're redirecting emotional energy into something positive and constructive.

Take a moment and think about something you've always wanted to try but never did. Maybe it's painting, rock climbing, photography, or even learning a musical instrument. When you try new hobbies, it forces your brain to create new pathways, allowing it to break from the repetitive cycles of thinking about your ex. Plus, it's a way to rediscover parts of yourself that may have been overshadowed during the relationship.

New hobbies also open doors to meeting new people, which can naturally help you build a fresh social circle, offering both emotional support and distraction. You'll find that the more you invest in your own personal growth, the less your breakup defines your life moving forward. Remember, this isn't about becoming the best at these activities; it's about giving yourself the chance to explore who you are without anyone else's influence.

Strengthen Family Bonds During Tough Times

When you're going through a breakup, it's easy to feel like no one truly understands your pain. But here's the truth: your family can be a rock during this emotional upheaval. Sometimes we forget how important family is because they've always been there in the background. Yet, in times like these, strengthening those bonds can be a source of comfort, stability, and love.

Start by opening up. Let your family know what you're going through and allow them to support you. Even if it feels awkward at first, simply having those conversations can help lift some of the emotional weight you're carrying. Plus, it's an opportunity to reconnect in meaningful ways, whether that's over a family dinner, watching a movie together, or just chatting about life.

Family relationships have their own ebbs and flows, and now might be a good time to focus on nurturing these connections. If you're lucky enough to have a close family, lean on them. If family dynamics have been strained, this could be a chance to repair those bonds. Either way, your family can offer a sense of belonging that will remind you that you're not alone, no matter how isolated you might feel.

Stop Relying on Destiny or Luck

It's tempting, isn't it? To believe that if something was “meant to be,” it will find its way back. Or that maybe, with enough luck, your ex will come around and things will magically work out. But here's the hard truth: relying on destiny or luck keeps you stuck. It traps you in a cycle of false hope and prevents you from taking real action to heal and move forward.

There's nothing wrong with hoping for the best, but we have to take responsibility for our own lives. Waiting for fate to intervene or for your ex to suddenly have a change of heart can leave you stagnant. Instead, focus on what you can control. You can control how you react, how you choose to grow, and how you move on.

Take the reins of your life. You have the power to shape your future, and that begins by actively making decisions that serve your well-being. Put your energy into creating opportunities rather than waiting for them to fall into your lap. The more you invest in yourself, the less room there is for the “what ifs” to dominate your thoughts. Moving forward doesn't mean leaving everything to chance—it means embracing the reality that you have agency over your own happiness.

Build New Friendships for Support

After a breakup, it can be tempting to withdraw and isolate yourself from others. But that's exactly the time when you should be expanding your circle, not shrinking it. Building new friendships is essential for creating a support network that doesn't revolve around your ex. Friendships offer a different kind of emotional connection—one that is often more stable and lasting than romantic relationships.

New friends bring new perspectives, which is incredibly valuable when you're feeling stuck in old patterns of thinking. You don't have to rush this process, but try to stay open to meeting new people. It could be through work, hobbies, or even mutual friends. The key is to let these relationships grow naturally. New friendships give you the chance to redefine yourself without the baggage of your past relationship.

And remember, friendships don't have to be perfect from the start. Building new relationships takes time, but the effort is worth it. It's about finding people who support your growth and help you move forward, not hold you back.

Go Out with Someone New When You're Ready

The idea of dating again after a breakup can feel daunting, and that's okay. There's no rush to jump back into the dating scene, but when you do feel ready, going out with someone new can be a positive experience. The point isn't to replace your ex or rush into a new relationship, but to remind yourself that you still have the ability to connect with others romantically.

Take things at your own pace. If you're not ready, don't force it. But if the thought of meeting someone new sparks curiosity rather than dread, it might be time to dip your toes back in the dating pool. This could be as casual as grabbing coffee or going for a walk. The goal isn't to find your next relationship immediately; it's to reframe your idea of connection and help you see that there's life beyond your last relationship.

When you go out with someone new, it helps you shift your focus from what's lost to what's possible. New connections can be exciting, fun, and offer you a fresh perspective. You'll also start to learn more about what you truly want in a partner, and this knowledge will make future relationships healthier and more fulfilling.

Exercise and Eat Well for Mental Clarity

It might sound cliché, but taking care of your body is directly tied to taking care of your mind, especially after a breakup. Exercise doesn't just keep you fit—it helps clear your head. Physical activity releases endorphins, which are natural mood boosters. Even a simple 30-minute walk can make a difference in how you feel, both emotionally and mentally.

You don't have to become a gym fanatic overnight, but incorporating some form of physical movement into your daily routine will help you regain a sense of control. Whether it's yoga, running, swimming, or even dancing around your living room, the goal is to move your body and let the benefits flow into your mind.

Don't overlook what you're eating either. Junk food may feel comforting in the short term, but it can drain your energy and leave you feeling worse. Instead, focus on a balanced diet that includes whole foods—fruits, vegetables, lean proteins, and grains. The better you fuel your body, the clearer your mind will feel. Taking care of yourself physically is an act of self-love, and it reminds you that you deserve to feel good.

Express Your Emotions Without Shame

We live in a world that often tells us to “get over it” or “move on” quickly, but processing emotions takes time. One of the healthiest things you can do after a breakup is to express your feelings—whether that's anger, sadness, confusion, or even relief—without shame. Bottling up emotions only prolongs the healing process.

You might find it helpful to talk to a close friend or family member, but not everyone feels comfortable doing that. That's okay. There are other outlets for expression. You could write your feelings down in a journal, paint, or even scream into a pillow if that's what it takes. What matters is that you allow yourself to feel and express whatever is going on inside without judgment.

In “The Body Keeps the Score” by Bessel van der Kolk, it's noted that suppressing emotions can have long-term effects on both your mental and physical health. The more honest you are with yourself about how you're feeling, the faster you'll be able to process those emotions and move forward. Don't rush this part. Give yourself the time and space to express your emotions in a way that feels right for you.

Write Down Your Feelings to Process the Pain

Writing down your emotions is one of the most effective ways to process the pain of a breakup. When your thoughts are swirling in your head, they can feel overwhelming and unmanageable. Putting pen to paper—or fingers to keyboard—can bring clarity. It allows you to step outside your mind and view your emotions from a different perspective.

Journaling doesn't need to be structured or perfect. You can start by writing about what you're feeling at the moment. Are you angry, sad, or confused? Write it all down without censoring yourself. The act of writing can help you release the emotional weight you're carrying. Plus, it's a private space for you to express anything without fear of judgment or rejection.

Many therapists suggest journaling as a way to not only process emotions but to track your healing over time. You might find that after a few weeks or months, you can look back and see how far you've come. Your writing becomes a tangible reminder that the pain does lessen, and you're moving forward, even on days when it feels like you're not.

Lesson Your Attachment to Social Media

Social media can be a double-edged sword during a breakup. It's easy to fall into the trap of constantly checking your ex's profiles, trying to decipher their latest posts, or looking for clues about what they're doing or who they're with. But this behavior only deepens your attachment and keeps you stuck in the past.

It's time to break that cycle. One of the most liberating things you can do for your mental health is to step away from social media—or at least limit your time on it. Unfollow or mute your ex if seeing their posts brings up negative emotions. You might even consider taking a social media detox for a while to clear your head.

Social media presents a distorted version of reality, and it's easy to compare your healing process to the carefully curated lives of others. But remember, people often only post the highlights, not the struggles. By lessening your attachment to social media, you allow yourself the space to focus on your own healing journey without unnecessary distractions or comparisons.

Seek Professional Help if You Need It

There's no shame in seeking professional help after a breakup. Sometimes, the emotional weight is too much to carry on your own, and talking to a therapist or counselor can make all the difference. Therapy provides a safe, unbiased space where you can process your feelings and gain new perspectives on your situation.

Breakups can trigger feelings of anxiety, depression, or even unresolved issues from the past. A mental health professional can help you navigate these complex emotions in a healthy way. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), for example, is a common method used to help individuals break negative thought patterns and develop better coping strategies.

If you're hesitant about therapy, consider starting with a support group or even online counseling services. The important thing is to recognize when you need help and to take action before things spiral further. We all need someone to talk to, and sometimes, having a professional guide you through the healing process can speed up recovery and provide tools that last long after the breakup.

Set a Disciplined Daily Routine for Stability

Breakups can throw your life into chaos, making everything feel unsteady. One of the best ways to regain a sense of control and stability is by setting a disciplined daily routine. A structured routine helps keep you grounded when emotions feel all over the place. Plus, it adds a sense of normalcy back to your day, which is crucial for healing.

Start by creating small, achievable tasks for yourself. It could be as simple as waking up at the same time every day, eating breakfast, or taking a shower. Build on this foundation by adding more productive habits, like setting time aside for exercise, work, or even hobbies. You don't need to overhaul your entire life overnight, but having a schedule to follow gives you something to focus on other than your breakup.

Routine also brings consistency, and that's key when you're going through emotional turbulence. It helps anchor you to the present and provides a sense of accomplishment, even if you're just ticking off small tasks. Eventually, this structure can be the very thing that helps you rebuild your life in a way that feels more stable and fulfilling.

Embrace Nature for Healing and Perspective

When was the last time you truly immersed yourself in nature? After a breakup, it's easy to feel disconnected—from others, from yourself, and from the world. Nature has a unique way of grounding us and offering perspective. There's something about the vastness of the ocean, the stillness of a forest, or the majesty of mountains that makes our personal problems seem smaller in comparison.

Spending time in nature can have profound effects on your mental well-being. Research has shown that being in natural environments reduces stress, anxiety, and even symptoms of depression. Whether it's a hike, a walk along the beach, or just sitting in a park, nature has a way of calming the mind and helping us see things more clearly.

Being outdoors also offers a moment of pause—a chance to reflect on what you've been through and where you're heading. It reminds you that life is bigger than your current struggles, and that healing comes in many forms. So, the next time the weight of your breakup feels overwhelming, step outside and let nature help lighten that load.

Have Faith That the Future Holds New Possibilities

In the midst of heartbreak, it can feel impossible to imagine a future where things get better. But here's the truth: the future holds countless new possibilities. Yes, the pain of a breakup is real, but so is the potential for growth, new experiences, and even new love.

It's important to remember that every ending makes room for new beginnings. Having faith in the future doesn't mean denying the pain of the present—it means trusting that better days are ahead. The beauty of life is that it's always changing, and with time, you'll find that this breakup is just one chapter in your story, not the entire book.

Let yourself dream about the future. Think about the goals, relationships, and experiences you want to pursue. This mindset shift allows you to focus on what's possible rather than what's lost. As author Paulo Coelho once said, “When we least expect it, life sets us a challenge to test our courage and willingness to change.” Embrace this opportunity for growth, and trust that the future has something better in store for you.

Final Thoughts: Moving On Doesn't Mean Forgetting

Moving on from a breakup doesn't mean erasing the past or pretending that the relationship didn't matter. It's not about forgetting—it's about finding peace with what happened and allowing yourself to grow from the experience. The memories, the lessons, and even the pain are part of your journey, and they shape who you become moving forward.

It's natural to want to hold onto the good times, but holding on too tightly can keep you trapped in the past. Moving on means accepting that the relationship served its purpose, even if it didn't turn out the way you had hoped. It means learning to carry those memories with you without letting them weigh you down.

As you move forward, remember that it's okay to feel a range of emotions—grief, relief, even nostalgia. These emotions don't mean you're stuck; they simply mean you're human. With time, those feelings will lose their intensity, and you'll find yourself thinking less about the past and more about the future.

At the end of the day, moving on is about reclaiming your life and rediscovering yourself. It's about taking everything you've learned and using it to build a future that excites and inspires you. You deserve to find happiness again, and you will, in your own time.

Recommended Resources

• The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk
• Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller
• Getting Past Your Breakup by Susan J. Elliott