Dear eNotAlone: I am hopelessly in love with my ex-girlfriend who I am almost certain loves me back but has no intention of getting back together. We had an on-again-off-again kind of relationship which ended after a huge fight two months ago. Despite the fact that she is with someone else now, I cannot get her out of my system. I still love her and crave her attention. Will I ever get over her and move on in life?
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Losing someone you love can be really hard, especially when it feels like they still love you back. You may be tempted to keep hoping that you'll one day get back together, but chasing after a person who doesn't want to be chased often only leads to more heartache. So as difficult as it may be, now it's time for you to take a step back and move on. How exactly do you do that? Here are several tips that can help you out:
1. Take time for self-reflection and self-care.
Take some time for yourself to reflect on what you need to do in order to move forward in life. If you can, treat yourself to some vacation time and fun activities to get your mind off things. Take up new hobbies, talk to friends, go to therapy, whatever brings you joy. The idea is to give yourself some much needed space and time to heal and grow.
2. Make sure to cut off contact.
This may sound harsh, but you need to remove any connection between you and the person you're trying to get over. Don't check their social media accounts or stalk their current partner. Unfollow them and if possible, avoid places you both used to frequent. This will help prevent you from redeveloping feelings for them or harboring false hope about a reconciliation.
3. Surround yourself with positive people.
When going through a difficult time, it's important to seek out people who can offer you good advice and emotional support. Reach out to your family, close friends, and mentors whom you trust and whose opinion you value. These people can provide the strength, understanding, and hope that'll see you through the tough times.
4. Seek closure.
Closure isn't about making your ex feel bad for leaving, but rather about helping you understand why the relationship didn't work out, so you can process your emotions more effectively. Find space and a safe place to express how you're feeling without criticism. Weave meaningful conversations and write down your thoughts to make sense of the whole situation.
5. Allow yourself to grieve.
It's normal to miss someone when you decide to move on from them, and it's equally vital to allow yourself to feel what you're going through, acknowledge it, and then let it go. Feeling sad is not a sign that you're weak or that you're succumbing to defeat, but instead, it's the first step in embracing your new reality.
It's never easy having to leave someone you care about behind, especially if that person still cares for you. But that doesn't mean it's impossible either. Rely on your inner strength and look to the future with optimism. Believe that better things are still to come and gradually move towards them. With patience and resilience, you can eventually turn things around and start living a life that is filled with joy, meaning, and contentment. So take a deep breath and take it one step at a time.
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