The pain of losing love is universal and heart-wrenching. No one experiences the same to the same depth, but no one is untouched by it either. The decision to pursue a former flame could be a journey rife with as much angst as reward. It takes a certain strength and acceptance to move past longing for what was, and to embark on a course of action that could bring it back.
You may feel powerless, confused and overwhelmed about how to proceed. You already know that playing manipulative head games or pushing too hard will not work. You also realize the importance of receiving counsel from a trusted friend or objective professional, yet the decision on how best to proceed always lies solely within you.
Before making any drastic moves, like calling or showing up to make a grand gesture, step back and strategize. Have your “why” ready. Why do you want them back? Is it because it’s easier than letting go? Perhaps your pride is hurt? Do you believe this is actually your soulmate and if you could only make them remember why they loved you, all would be well?
Whatever the case may be, go inward and launch from there. Make sure the fire is fueled from the authentic flames of sincere feelings and your desire to re-establish connection. While you cannot force anyone to do anything, you can proactively take steps to increase the likelihood of success. Put together a campaign of sorts, setting up yourself for intrinsic successes regardless of the end result.
Start by making your own life joyous, interesting and attractive. Most people are not attracted to neediness, so fill your cup up independently first. Take loving care of yourself, undoing habits of self-sabotage that have kept you in this anguish and stagnation. Then focus on the present: finish projects, and take up new hobbies, ones that you fully enjoy. Piece by piece, develop the life you’ve been dreaming of.
Such positive efforts can help inspire confidence that will stand you in good stead when approaching your former flame. Call, leave voice messages, and generally make your interest known. Send a few thoughtful text messages. When there is the opportunity to get together, playfully reminisce about one of those in-jokes you two had, reminding them how special and intertwined when you were.
If they reject your call, imagine they have done so out of respect. Respect because they don’t think they can give you what you need right now. Respect because they don’t think they should reignite old embers and hurt you again. Letting go with gratitude helps bring a sense of peace, even if only momentarily. Celebrate each small victory along the way; occasionally extending an olive branch with no expectations can help you break free of your obsessive need to control the person and outcome.
No matter the outcome, the power of self-love cannot be denied. As you practice radical acceptance, you will eventually come to understand that the restart button was there all along. You hold the answers to getting better and being happier, no matter what comes to pass.
It takes incredible courage to confront the unknown and put your heart at stake, but remember every storm clouds a rainbow. Once there’s a newfound clarity, newfound power erupts from the stillness that follows the storm. Trust in yourself to make the most respectful choice for everyone involved, and act in alignment. Choosing the hard road of self-inquiry, radical acceptance and love will always guide you home.
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