What happens when two people who were once so deeply connected and in love can no longer find it within themselves to maintain that relationship? As many of us found out during this most recent difficult year of 2020, life can change in ways we never expected. For some couples, those changes can result in the end of the relationship, leaving both members with a shattered heart and the challenge of picking up the pieces and finding a path forward.
That is the position one person is facing after a 20-year long relationship has ended. What should they do?
First, it’s important to give yourself time and permission to grieve the loss. It isn't time to focus on what could have been done better or differently, or on working towards reconciliation — that comes later. For now, take the time to be honest with yourself about what your life was like with your partner and how much you will miss it.
It can also be helpful to talk to people who understand what you’re going through and who can provide insight and advice about how to move on. This could be a trusted family member, a therapist, or even a breakup support group. Reaching out doesn't mean that you’re weak or incapable of doing this on your own: it’s an act of courage and taking charge of your own healing process.
As you start to come to terms with the end of your relationship, it's natural to wonder whether things could be worked out and if it is possible to reconcile. It’s hard to know if this is really an option — particularly if the breakup was initiated by your partner, as you mentioned. In these cases, it is important to take stock of the entire situation before reaching out and considering a reunion. Was the sudden distance caused by your partner's individual emotions and possibly their own mother's passing? If this is the case, some compromise and new ground rules are essential. Taking a few steps back from the situation and looking at it objectively can help determine whether reconciliation is a viable option.
Reconciliation is only possible when both sides work to heal and understand each other's feelings. It requires open and honest communication and a willingness to accept one’s mistakes. Both partners must be willing to talk and make a commitment to growing closer, instead of further apart. If you and your former partner both feel prepared and committed to taking on this challenge, then working towards reconciliation may be something to consider.
But, ultimately, the biggest factor in deciding whether reconciliation is a good option for you is self-awareness. Keeping in touch with the present moment and making decisions based on your current state of mind and heart is essential. Each break and reunion has the potential to cause deep emotional strain, so make sure that wherever you are on your journey is a place where you feel safe and supported.
No matter what decision you make, remember that healing takes time. Give yourself space to grieve and understand, and don’t be afraid to reach out for help. Most importantly, make sure that when you look ahead, you’re putting your well-being first.
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