7 Clear Signs He's Not Over His Ex (Don't Miss These!)

Key Takeaways:

• He talks about his ex often.
• He compares you to her.
• He keeps her photos around.
• He's emotionally distant with you.
• His social media reveals his feelings.

Is He Still Hung Up on His Ex?

We've all been there—wondering whether the person we're dating is truly ready for something new, or if they're still carrying emotional baggage from a past relationship. You might catch little hints: a slip of the tongue, a random story about his ex, or even some leftover mementos lying around. It's natural to feel uncertain, even insecure. And when it comes to relationships, it's all about timing.

Psychologist Dr. Judith Sills explains that, "emotional attachment to a past relationship can hinder present love." This means we need to be alert to certain signs while also balancing our own feelings of vulnerability. So, how do we know if he's over his ex or if you're just the 'rebound' girl? Let's dive into the signs and learn how to read between the lines.

How Much Does He Talk About His Ex?

This is often the first sign that something's off. How frequently does his ex pop up in conversations? If she seems to be a recurring topic, especially without you asking, it could indicate that she's still on his mind. The way he talks about her is also important. Is it with sadness, regret, or even anger? Any emotional charge around his ex is a signal that he's not fully moved on.

Frequent mention of an ex often keeps emotional ties alive, which can block his ability to build a new, healthier relationship with you. If he can't stop talking about her, his emotional energy may still be entangled in the past. And let's be real: no one wants to compete with a ghost from a past relationship.

Is He Moving Too Fast with You?

Relationships are supposed to build slowly, right? But what if you're on a high-speed rollercoaster and don't know how to get off? When he's moving at lightning speed—introducing you to friends, talking about the future within weeks, or making grand gestures—it can feel overwhelming. That rush can sometimes mask unresolved feelings about an ex. Moving too quickly might be his way of filling the emotional void left behind by his past relationship.

There's a term called "rebound relationship" for a reason. Psychologist Dr. Susan Whitbourne points out that rebound relationships often begin fast because "the individual is attempting to avoid the pain of the previous breakup." While that might explain the whirlwind, it doesn't make it any easier on you.

Did He End the Relationship or Was He Dumped?

This one matters more than we often think. If he ended the relationship, there's a chance he had emotionally checked out long before it ended. That's a good sign he's ready for something new. However, if he was the one who got dumped, the situation can be more complicated. Being rejected, especially unexpectedly, can leave deep emotional scars, and he might still be processing those feelings—sometimes for a long time.

Ask yourself: does he seem bitter or hurt when talking about his ex? That could indicate unresolved emotions. It's also possible he's putting on a brave face but feels insecure or wounded underneath. Whether or not he's the one who initiated the breakup plays a big role in how ready he truly is for something new.

How to Tell If It's All in Your Head or Real?

It's easy to overthink when you're feeling uncertain in a relationship. Are you just being paranoid, or is there something truly off between you and your partner? First, it's important to recognize that these feelings of doubt are normal, especially when we've been hurt in the past or if we sense any unusual behavior from our partner. However, constantly questioning his commitment can also be emotionally draining for both of you.

Here's where some self-reflection is key. Ask yourself: what's making you feel this way? Is it a pattern of behavior, like constantly bringing up his ex or avoiding deep emotional conversations? Or are these feelings rooted in your own insecurities? The difference is subtle but important. Checking in with how his actions align with his words can give you clarity on whether your feelings are based on real concerns or internal fears.

If you're still unsure, it might help to have an honest conversation. Sometimes, we're afraid to bring these issues up because we don't want to seem "needy" or "clingy." But understanding where your partner's head is at can clear up a lot of misunderstandings. Just remember: if something feels off, trust your gut. Our instincts often pick up on things long before our minds do.

7 Clear Signs He's Not Over His Ex

Sometimes, the signs that he's not over his ex are right in front of you—but they can be easy to ignore when you're emotionally invested. If you're seeing more than one of these behaviors, it might be a red flag that he's still emotionally entangled in his past relationship. Here are 7 unmistakable signs that suggest he's not quite moved on:

1. He mentions her often—and emotionally: Whether it's with sadness, anger, or nostalgia, the fact that she keeps coming up in conversations indicates he's still working through his emotions.
2. He compares you to her: This one can be tricky to catch at first, but if he's constantly referencing how you differ from her, good or bad, she's still on his mind.
3. He keeps photos or mementos of her: Holding onto sentimental items is often a sign that he's not ready to let go of the past. This might include photos, gifts, or anything with a strong emotional attachment.
4. He's still in contact with her: If he's regularly texting, calling, or meeting up with her, it's hard to believe he's fully committed to moving forward with you.
5. He gets defensive about their past: If he becomes overly defensive or uncomfortable when you ask about his previous relationship, it could indicate he hasn't fully processed or moved on from it.
6. He's not emotionally available to you: He may be physically present, but if he's keeping his emotional walls up, it could be because he's still attached to his ex.
7. His social media tells the story: If his social media still features a lot of his ex or he's engaging with her posts regularly, it's a strong sign that he's not entirely over her.

Recognizing these signs early can save you a lot of heartache down the line. If multiple signs are ringing true in your relationship, it might be time to reconsider whether he's truly ready to commit to you.

1. He Mentions Her Often—And It's Emotional

This is probably one of the most obvious signs. If he's still bringing up his ex frequently, especially without any prompting, it's a clear indication she's still on his mind. Whether it's reminiscing about the good times or venting about the bad, any kind of emotional mention suggests unresolved feelings. You might notice he talks about her when you're discussing something totally unrelated, which can make you feel like she's still very present in his life.

It's also important to pay attention to the tone of how he talks about her. Is he nostalgic? Does he sound bitter? Emotional undertones like these can be a signal that he hasn't fully processed his previous relationship, and he might be using you as an emotional outlet for those unresolved feelings.

If this is happening more often than not, it's time to have an open discussion. While occasional references to an ex can be normal, frequent emotional mentions suggest that he might still be emotionally invested in his past, making it difficult for him to fully invest in a new relationship with you.

2. He Compares You to Her

No one likes to feel like they're being measured against someone else, especially when that someone is an ex. If your partner is constantly comparing you to his ex—whether it's positive or negative—that's a huge red flag. He might say things like, “You're so much more fun than she was,” or, “She always did this differently.” Even if the comparisons seem harmless, they can make you feel like you're in competition with someone from his past, which isn't fair to you.

When someone compares you to their ex, they're still framing their current relationship through the lens of the previous one. This makes it hard for both of you to experience your relationship fully for what it is, because you're stuck in the shadow of his past. It can also be a sign that he's not allowing himself to appreciate you for who you are—independent of his ex.

While occasional slips may happen, persistent comparisons usually indicate that he hasn't fully moved on. If you notice this happening regularly, it might be worth addressing how these comparisons are affecting you and your relationship. The last thing you want is to be constantly evaluated against someone who isn't even part of the current picture anymore.

3. He Keeps Photos or Mementos of Her

Let's be honest—holding onto physical reminders of an ex isn't exactly a good sign. If he still has photos of her on his phone, in his home, or even keeps mementos like gifts or letters, it shows that he's emotionally clinging to their relationship. These items are often tied to memories, and when he keeps them close, it could mean he's still emotionally invested in what they had together.

Of course, we all have pasts, and it's not necessarily about deleting every photo from a previous chapter. But if he can't part with these keepsakes, it might be because he's not ready to let go. In some cases, this can indicate an unwillingness to fully embrace the present and invest in what you two are building together.

If this situation feels uncomfortable, it's worth bringing up how it makes you feel. You're allowed to set boundaries about what's acceptable when it comes to remnants of past relationships. After all, being in the present means focusing on the here and now, not holding onto the emotional echoes of the past.

4. He's Still in Contact with Her

Staying in touch with an ex can be a tricky subject. In some cases, it's totally innocent—especially if they've remained friends and have a mature, platonic relationship. But if you're noticing frequent contact, late-night texts, or emotional conversations between them, it can be a big red flag that he hasn't fully moved on.

Ask yourself: what is the nature of their communication? If it's casual and infrequent, it might not be a major issue. However, if he seems emotionally involved or protective of her, there's a chance he's still carrying a torch. Often, people maintain close contact with exes because they haven't fully let go, and this emotional tether can prevent them from being fully available to someone new—you.

Even worse, regular communication with an ex can leave you feeling like there's a third person in your relationship, and that's not something anyone should have to deal with. If he's not setting clear boundaries with his ex, it may be time to have a serious conversation about where his priorities lie. You deserve to feel like you're his number one, not competing with someone from the past.

5. He Gets Defensive About Their Past

If you try to ask about his ex and he gets overly defensive, that's a big warning sign. Defensiveness usually indicates unresolved emotions, and when someone can't talk openly about their past, it suggests they haven't made peace with it. Maybe he brushes it off with “I don't want to talk about it” or “That's in the past,” but if his tone shifts to anger or avoidance, he's likely still emotionally tied to what happened.

Of course, no one enjoys talking about breakups, especially if the wounds are still fresh. However, a healthy relationship requires open communication, even about the uncomfortable stuff. If he can't have a calm conversation about his previous relationship—or worse, shuts you down—it could mean there are lingering feelings or unresolved issues he's not willing to face.

At this point, you have to ask yourself whether you want to be with someone who isn't emotionally ready to talk about their past. Defensiveness can block emotional intimacy, making it difficult to fully connect. A partner who can't be transparent about their history might struggle to fully engage in the present with you.

6. He's Not Emotionally Available to You

Maybe he's physically present, but emotionally distant. Emotional availability is key in any relationship, and if he's closed off, it's possible he hasn't processed his feelings from his previous relationship. Signs of emotional unavailability can range from being reluctant to have deep conversations to avoiding any discussions about the future. If you feel like you're constantly hitting a wall when trying to connect, that's a major red flag.

When someone is emotionally unavailable, they're not able to give or receive love fully. It's not just about being unwilling to talk—there's a barrier in place, one that prevents true vulnerability. This often happens when someone is still recovering from a past breakup or still emotionally attached to their ex. It can make you feel like you're always on the outside, looking in.

You deserve to be in a relationship where both partners are fully present and engaged. If he's consistently shutting you out or keeping you at arm's length, it might be time to evaluate whether he's ready for a relationship at all. You can only wait for someone to open up for so long before it becomes emotionally exhausting.

7. His Social Media Tells the Story

We live in a digital age, where social media often gives away more than we realize. If his social media is still filled with pictures of his ex, old posts about their relationship, or if he's still engaging with her content regularly, it's a clear sign he hasn't moved on. His online activity can reveal a lot about where his emotional energy is focused.

Even if he doesn't post much, take a look at how he interacts with his ex's updates. Is he liking or commenting on her photos, or perhaps still following her closely? While this might seem harmless, it's often a reflection of unresolved feelings. If he can't let go of her online presence, there's a good chance he hasn't let go of her emotionally either.

In contrast, if his profile is scrubbed clean of his ex, or if he's not engaging with her on social media anymore, that could be a sign he's actively trying to move on. However, if he's still deeply involved in her digital life, it's a red flag that he's emotionally stuck in the past.

How Newly Separated Men Can Be More Attractive

There's an interesting phenomenon that sometimes occurs with men who are freshly out of relationships: they can suddenly become more attractive. You might notice that a man who has just gone through a breakup has a certain intensity or vulnerability that draws you in. Psychologically, this could be because these men often project a sense of emotional depth, which can seem irresistible.

Newly separated men may be seeking comfort, connection, or a quick way to fill the emotional void left by their breakup. This can make them seem more engaged, passionate, and eager to form new connections. However, this heightened attraction might not always lead to a healthy relationship. It's crucial to understand that while they may appear ready for something new, they could still be in a fragile emotional state, making it difficult to build something long-lasting.

This temporary attractiveness doesn't mean they're ready for commitment. If anything, it's a sign to proceed with caution. You might be drawn to their intensity, but it's important to ask yourself whether they're emotionally prepared to move forward, or if you're just a band-aid for their unresolved feelings.

What to Do If You Think He's Still Hung Up on Her

So, you've noticed a few signs that he might not be over his ex, and now you're wondering what to do. The first step is to avoid jumping to conclusions. Sometimes, people just need more time to fully close a chapter. However, if your gut is telling you something is off, it's important to trust that feeling.

The best approach is to have an open and honest conversation. Sit him down and calmly express how his behavior is making you feel. Focus on how his actions impact your relationship rather than accusing him of still being in love with his ex. The goal is to gauge his reaction and get a sense of where his head and heart are at.

If he dismisses your concerns or refuses to talk about it, that's a sign he might not be emotionally ready for a new relationship. On the other hand, if he's willing to acknowledge your feelings and explain where he's coming from, there may be a way forward. Either way, communication is key. Don't ignore the signs and hope they go away—address them head-on, and be prepared to make tough decisions if needed.

Watch for These Red Flags Before Committing

When you're considering taking the next step in a relationship, it's crucial to keep your eyes wide open for any red flags that could indicate future problems. If you're already noticing signs that he's not over his ex, it's important to pause and evaluate the situation before diving deeper into the relationship.

Pay attention to how he talks about commitment. Does he avoid the topic or seem hesitant when you bring up the future? If he's always dodging discussions about where the relationship is going, it could mean he's still emotionally tied to his past. Another red flag is if he's secretive or evasive when you ask about his interactions with his ex. Transparency is crucial for building trust, and if he's not willing to offer that, it's a problem.

Also, watch out for emotional unavailability. If he's not fully present with you, either emotionally or mentally, that's a sign he's not ready to commit. You deserve someone who's 100% invested in the relationship, not someone with one foot still in the past. Before committing, make sure the person you're with is truly ready to move forward with you and not still looking over their shoulder at someone else.

If He Says He's Not Ready, Believe Him

One of the clearest signs that someone isn't ready for a relationship is when they outright tell you they're not. It can be tempting to ignore those words, especially if you feel a strong connection or see potential in the relationship. But if he says he's not ready, take him at his word. Trying to push or wait for him to change his mind can lead to frustration and heartache.

When someone admits they're not emotionally prepared, it's often because they're still processing their feelings from a previous relationship. This doesn't mean they don't care about you, but rather that they're aware of their limitations. If he's honest enough to tell you upfront, it's better to respect that and give him the space he needs to figure things out. Forcing a relationship when someone isn't ready rarely ends well.

It's important to listen to what he's telling you—don't assume he'll "get over it" or magically be ready in a few months. If he says he's not prepared for commitment, believe him and decide if you're willing to wait, or if it's time to move on for your own emotional well-being.

How You Can Help Him Move On

While it's not your job to fix someone, there are ways you can support him if he's struggling to move on from his ex. The key is to create a safe, non-judgmental space where he feels comfortable opening up about his feelings. Encourage him to talk about what's holding him back and listen without trying to immediately solve the problem. Sometimes, just having a partner who understands can be incredibly healing.

It might also help to gently encourage him to cut emotional ties with his past. This could mean suggesting he remove lingering mementos or limit contact with his ex, if it's appropriate. Be patient but firm—while you want to support him, you also need to make sure he's not using you as an emotional crutch while still hanging onto the past.

Ultimately, he needs to do the work to move on. But being a supportive, understanding partner can help create the right environment for him to let go and embrace a future with you. Just remember that there's a fine line between helping and enabling, so make sure you're protecting your own heart in the process.

Follow This Simple Rule to Know If He's Serious

There's one straightforward rule to follow if you're questioning whether he's serious about you: watch his actions, not just his words. It's easy for someone to say all the right things, but what matters most is how they behave. If he's showing you that he's committed by being present, communicating openly, and making an effort to build a future with you, then he's likely serious.

On the other hand, if he talks about wanting to be with you but his actions suggest otherwise—like keeping emotional distance, not prioritizing your relationship, or continuing to engage with his ex—then it's time to reassess. Actions speak louder than words, and consistency over time is the best indicator of whether he's ready for something real with you.

This doesn't mean he needs to be perfect, but if his efforts align with his promises, you can feel more confident that he's serious. If there's a disconnect between what he says and what he does, it might be a sign he's still uncertain about the relationship.

Should You Walk Away? Or Give Him More Time?

Deciding whether to walk away or stick around can be one of the toughest choices to make when you're dealing with someone who's not fully over their ex. On the one hand, you don't want to waste your time with someone who isn't ready for a committed relationship. On the other hand, you might see potential and wonder if he just needs a little more time to heal.

If you've already had open conversations about his past and feel like there's genuine progress being made, giving him some more time might be worth it. However, if you're constantly feeling like you're stuck in limbo, it could be time to reevaluate the situation. Ask yourself: how long are you willing to wait? Are you getting what you need out of the relationship, or are you feeling emotionally drained?

Walking away can be hard, but sometimes it's the best option for your own emotional health. If he's not ready to fully commit, you deserve the chance to find someone who is. Trust your instincts, and remember that you can't force someone to move on before they're ready.

Recommended Resources

• Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find—and Keep—Love by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller
• Getting Past Your Breakup: How to Turn a Devastating Loss into the Best Thing That Ever Happened to You by Susan J. Elliott
• The Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts by Gary Chapman