19 Proven Ways to Stop Missing Your Ex (Fast)

Key Takeaways:

• Understand the emotional reasons behind missing.
• Acknowledge your feelings without suppressing.
• Focus on personal growth and healing.
• Resist contacting your ex to move on.
• Surround yourself with supportive people.

Why Do I Miss My Ex So Much?

Missing your ex can feel like an overwhelming emotional storm, one that keeps you stuck in the past. It's normal, but understanding why it happens is the first step toward healing. Often, it's not just about missing the person—it's about the loss of routine, companionship, and the idea of what the relationship meant to you. In psychology, this is called “emotional dependency,” which is when our brains become attached to the emotional support that a partner provided. When that support is gone, our minds can spiral into longing for what was comfortable and familiar.

As relationship expert Esther Perel says in her book Mating in Captivity, “We are creatures of habit, and our relationships, even when imperfect, become a safe place for our minds to retreat.” When that space is taken away, it's no wonder we feel lost.

We have to remember that longing for your ex doesn't always mean you want them back. It could simply mean that you miss the emotional safety net that the relationship provided.

Think About Why the Relationship Ended

This is probably the toughest yet most necessary step. When you catch yourself romanticizing the good times, remind yourself of why the relationship didn't work out. Were there trust issues? Lack of communication? Reflecting on the actual reasons the breakup happened can help put things in perspective.

Breakups rarely happen on a whim. They are often a culmination of unresolved conflicts or mismatched values that build over time. Give yourself permission to see the whole picture, not just the highlight reel of the past. In her work, therapist Lori Gottlieb often stresses that “romanticizing the past keeps us stuck in a cycle of longing that does more harm than good.”

Focus on why parting ways was the right choice for your long-term happiness, even if it doesn't feel that way in the moment.

Don't Suppress Your Emotions

Suppressing your emotions can feel like the easiest way to get through the pain, but bottling things up only prolongs the healing process. When we push our feelings down, they don't go away—they build up, and eventually, they'll surface in unhealthy ways. Psychologically, this is called "emotional suppression," and research shows that it often leads to greater stress and even physical health issues over time.

It's okay to feel sad, angry, or even confused. Allowing yourself to experience these emotions is not a sign of weakness, but rather the first step to moving forward. According to Brené Brown, author of Rising Strong, “We cannot selectively numb emotions, when we numb the painful emotions, we also numb the positive emotions.” When you block out pain, you're also blocking the possibility of joy.

Let yourself cry, vent, or scream if you need to. Your emotions deserve to be acknowledged.

Try Journaling Your Thoughts

Writing down your thoughts is an incredibly effective way to process your emotions, especially when you're feeling lost after a breakup. Journaling helps you externalize the internal chaos that might be swirling around in your mind. It's a safe space to express everything you're going through without judgment.

Not sure what to write about? Start by simply putting your feelings into words. How are you feeling today? What do you miss? What are you angry or sad about? Journaling helps turn those abstract emotions into something more concrete and manageable. Studies suggest that writing about your feelings can help reduce emotional stress and give you more clarity over time.

If you're unsure where to begin, just know that there's no right or wrong way to journal. Whether you want to write pages or just a few sentences, it's your emotional space to let go and reflect.

Fill Your Time with New Activities

When you're missing your ex, one of the hardest parts is dealing with the empty time that used to be filled with your relationship. Suddenly, you have all these gaps in your day, and those are often the moments when thoughts of your ex creep in. That's why it's important to fill your time with new and fulfilling activities. This doesn't mean you should stay busy just for the sake of distraction, but rather, focus on things that bring you joy and give you a sense of purpose.

Pick up a hobby you've always wanted to try. Whether it's painting, learning a new instrument, or even gardening—anything that excites you and gives you a chance to rediscover yourself. According to behavioral psychologist Dr. Michael Friedman, “Engaging in meaningful activities can actually reshape your brain and help you create new, positive emotional experiences.”

Make a list of things you've been wanting to do but never had time for. Now's the perfect opportunity to invest in yourself, develop new skills, and rebuild a life that's independent of your past relationship.

Don't Give in to the Temptation to Call or Text

This might be one of the most difficult challenges after a breakup. Your phone becomes a battlefield of emotions, and the urge to reach out to your ex can feel overwhelming. But let's be honest—texting or calling your ex, especially when you're in an emotionally fragile state, rarely ends well. It often leads to more confusion and sets back your healing process.

There's a psychological term called “intermittent reinforcement,” where random, occasional rewards make a behavior harder to break. When you reach out and get a response, you momentarily feel better, but it's temporary relief. The cycle only keeps the emotional wound fresh. Break the cycle. Every time you resist the urge, you're retraining your brain to detach from the need for that connection.

Set clear boundaries for yourself. If necessary, delete their number or mute their social media profiles. Protect your emotional space and allow yourself the time you need to heal without reopening old wounds.

Reconnect with Friends

After a breakup, it's easy to feel isolated, like the world has shrunk to the size of your own sadness. But this is when your friends can become an essential lifeline. Reaching out to them and rekindling friendships will remind you that there are people who love and care for you, no matter what.

Sometimes, during a relationship, friendships can fade into the background. Now is the time to bring them back to the forefront. Call up an old friend for coffee, join a group chat, or even plan a weekend trip with a few close friends. Research from the American Psychological Association shows that social support is one of the most effective buffers against stress and emotional pain.

Your friends can help shift your perspective and pull you out of the breakup fog. They provide the emotional stability you need, offering you comfort without judgment, and helping you see that life is much bigger than just your past relationship.

Prioritize Self-Improvement

This is your chance to focus on becoming the best version of yourself. Breakups, though painful, can act as catalysts for change. Take this time to reflect on what you want out of life, both personally and professionally. Maybe there are areas of your life that you've neglected while you were in the relationship—now is the time to address those.

Whether it's improving your physical health, taking up a new fitness routine, or focusing on mental and emotional growth, self-improvement can be incredibly empowering. According to Carol Dweck, author of Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, “Growth comes when we are willing to embrace change and step out of our comfort zones.” Use this phase of your life to challenge yourself and push beyond your limits.

Make a plan, set goals, and celebrate small victories along the way. Self-improvement isn't about perfection—it's about progress. As you work on yourself, you'll notice that the need for validation from your ex will naturally start to fade.

Do You Miss the Person or the Comfort?

One of the most important questions you need to ask yourself is: are you really missing your ex, or are you missing the comfort and familiarity of the relationship? These are two very different things, but in the fog of post-breakup emotions, it's easy to confuse them.

Relationships provide structure and routine. When that's gone, it's normal to feel lost and crave what was familiar. However, you need to dig deeper. Do you miss the actual person—who they are at their core—or do you simply miss the comfort they brought to your life? This reflection is key to your healing.

Psychologists often talk about “attachment” as something that shapes how we bond in relationships. If you find yourself longing for the security rather than the individual, it's a sign that your attachment may have been more about comfort than true connection.

Take a step back and analyze what it is you're really craving. Once you identify it, you can work on creating those feelings of comfort and stability within yourself, without relying on someone else to fill that void.

Be Kind in Your Self-Talk

The way you talk to yourself during a breakup can have a huge impact on how quickly you heal. It's easy to fall into a negative spiral, telling yourself things like “I'm not good enough” or “I'll never find someone else.” These thoughts are not only untrue, but they also reinforce a sense of unworthiness that keeps you stuck.

Your inner dialogue should reflect the way you would talk to a close friend who's going through a hard time. Would you tell them they're a failure or unlovable? No, of course not. So why say those things to yourself?

Research from Dr. Kristin Neff, a pioneer in the field of self-compassion, shows that practicing kind and supportive self-talk leads to greater resilience and emotional recovery. Neff encourages us to “treat ourselves with the same kindness and care as we would offer to a loved one in need.”

When you catch yourself being overly critical, stop and reframe your thoughts. Remind yourself that you are worthy of love and healing, and that this is just a chapter in your life—not the whole story.

Ask People to Avoid Mentioning Your Ex

It's important to set boundaries with the people around you after a breakup. Well-meaning friends and family might bring up your ex without thinking, assuming it's harmless conversation, but hearing about your ex repeatedly can reopen wounds you're trying to heal. Don't hesitate to ask your loved ones to avoid mentioning them for a while.

Let your close circle know that while you appreciate their concern, hearing about your ex makes it harder for you to move on. Be clear and direct but kind in your approach. Most people will understand and respect your wishes once you communicate your needs.

By creating this boundary, you're protecting your mental space and allowing yourself the time and distance needed to process your emotions without constant reminders of the past. It's a simple but powerful step in helping you break the emotional connection and focus on healing.

Get Active and Exercise

Physical activity might not seem like a solution when your heart is aching, but moving your body can do wonders for your mental health. Exercise releases endorphins, which are the body's natural mood elevators, helping to reduce stress, anxiety, and the feelings of sadness that often come after a breakup.

You don't have to jump straight into an intense workout regimen—start with something manageable like walking, yoga, or even dancing in your living room. The goal is to get your body moving and your mind distracted from the emotional turmoil. Psychologically, exercise also provides a sense of accomplishment, which can boost your self-esteem during a time when you may be feeling down on yourself.

Dr. John Ratey, in his book Spark: The Revolutionary New Science of Exercise and the Brain, notes that “exercise is the single best thing you can do for your brain in terms of mood, memory, and learning.” So, whether it's hitting the gym or simply taking a stroll outside, getting active is a powerful way to heal your heart and your mind.

Consider Traveling to New Places

Traveling can be one of the most liberating and healing experiences after a breakup. Not only does it take you out of your usual environment, but it also gives you a fresh perspective on life. When you're feeling stuck in the same routines and emotional patterns, going somewhere new can be a reset for both your mind and heart.

Exploring new places, whether it's a nearby town or a distant country, allows you to step away from the familiar spaces that remind you of your ex. It helps create new memories and, more importantly, a sense of independence. As travel author Paul Theroux once said, “Travel is glamorous only in retrospect.” It's not about escaping but about discovering new parts of yourself in the process.

You don't need to plan an extravagant getaway. Even a simple weekend trip can give you the space and time to reflect, heal, and remind yourself that there's a world full of possibilities beyond your past relationship.

Remove Physical Reminders of Your Ex

Keeping physical reminders of your ex, like old photos, gifts, or even text messages, can make it much harder to move on. These items constantly pull you back into the past and trigger memories that slow down your healing. As difficult as it may be, it's important to let go of these reminders if you want to start fresh.

You don't have to throw everything away immediately—start by putting things out of sight. Store them in a box or a drawer where they won't serve as constant emotional triggers. If and when you feel ready, consider donating, discarding, or deleting these items.

This step is symbolic as much as it is practical. By removing the physical connections to your ex, you're making room for new experiences and allowing yourself the freedom to move forward without the weight of the past holding you down. Clearing out the reminders is a small, tangible step toward emotional clarity and closure.

Practice Selfishness for Self-Care

After a breakup, it's okay to be selfish. In fact, it's necessary. For so long, your energy was likely spent on the relationship—now it's time to pour that energy back into yourself. Practicing selfishness in a healthy way means prioritizing your needs, desires, and well-being above all else, even if it feels unfamiliar or uncomfortable at first.

Selfishness, in this context, isn't about disregarding others; it's about giving yourself permission to focus solely on what makes you feel whole and grounded. Take yourself out for dinner, buy that book you've been wanting to read, or simply spend an entire day doing absolutely nothing. As relationship coach Lisa Olivera points out, “You don't owe your time or energy to anyone right now, except yourself.”

This phase of selfishness is about healing and rebuilding your sense of self. By being intentionally selfish, you're taking control of your emotional recovery and ensuring that your needs are finally at the forefront.

Spend Time with People Who Love You

Breakups can leave you feeling like you've lost a huge part of your support system, but it's important to remember that there are people in your life who still love and value you. Spending time with family and close friends can provide the emotional nourishment you need during this tough time. These are the people who genuinely care about your well-being, and their presence can remind you that you are not alone.

Reaching out to loved ones doesn't always have to be about discussing your breakup. Sometimes, it's just about being around people who bring you comfort and joy. They might not always have the perfect advice, but their support can be a source of strength. Surrounding yourself with love can help lift you up when you're feeling down, and it also helps to shift your focus from what you've lost to what you still have.

Don't isolate yourself. Allow those who care about you to be part of your healing process. It's through these relationships that you'll slowly start to rebuild your sense of belonging and emotional balance.

Focus on Your Personal Passions

One of the best ways to rebuild yourself after a breakup is to reconnect with the things that make you feel alive—your passions. Whether it's a creative outlet like painting or writing, or something as simple as cooking or hiking, diving back into your personal interests will help you rediscover your identity outside of the relationship.

It's easy to lose sight of the things that once brought you joy when you've been wrapped up in a relationship. But now is the perfect time to reignite that flame. If there's something you used to love but put aside, now is the moment to pick it back up. Passions give us a sense of purpose and excitement, which can be the key to healing.

Focusing on your passions will not only keep you busy but also help you build confidence and remind you of your unique strengths and abilities. As you pour yourself into the things you love, you'll notice the emotional weight of the breakup lifting bit by bit, giving way to a deeper sense of fulfillment.

Explore Something New

Breakups often leave us craving change, and one of the healthiest ways to satisfy that craving is by exploring something new. Whether it's trying a new hobby, visiting a place you've never been, or simply shaking up your daily routine, introducing novelty into your life can refresh your spirit and keep you looking forward instead of back.

New experiences have a way of reshaping our perspectives. Psychologist Dr. Dan Gilbert, author of Stumbling on Happiness, explains that novelty stimulates the brain, giving us the same kind of joy that love and excitement once did. By trying something new, you're not just distracting yourself—you're actively helping your brain create fresh, positive associations.

This doesn't have to be a big change. It could be as simple as taking a new route to work, trying a different type of cuisine, or starting a book in a genre you don't usually read. What matters is that you're stepping out of your comfort zone, embracing newness, and reminding yourself that life is full of exciting possibilities waiting to be explored.

Take Control of Your Future

One of the most empowering things you can do after a breakup is to take control of your future. It's easy to get stuck in the past, replaying memories and wondering what could have been, but your future is wide open, and it's yours to shape. This is your time to focus on your goals, ambitions, and dreams—without anyone holding you back.

Start by setting small, achievable goals. Whether it's advancing in your career, working on a personal project, or just getting back into a routine, each step forward will give you a greater sense of control. Taking charge of your future means recognizing that you are the author of your own story, and the next chapter is completely up to you.

Don't let the breakup define the rest of your life. It's one part of your journey, but it doesn't dictate your destination. By shifting your focus to what lies ahead, you're reclaiming your power and putting yourself in the driver's seat of your own happiness.

Can I Get Back Together with My Ex?

It's a question many of us grapple with after a breakup. The truth is, every relationship is unique, and there's no one-size-fits-all answer. However, getting back together with your ex should not be a decision made out of loneliness or fear of being alone. It requires deep reflection and honesty about what caused the breakup in the first place.

If both you and your ex have taken time apart, worked on personal growth, and are genuinely willing to address the issues that led to the breakup, then reconciliation might be possible. However, it's important to ask yourself if getting back together will truly make you happier, or if you're just seeking the comfort of the familiar.

Therapist and relationship expert Esther Perel notes, “Second chances can work, but only if both people are truly committed to change, not just returning to the status quo.” Take a hard look at the past and evaluate if the relationship had a solid foundation, or if you're romanticizing what was comfortable. In some cases, moving on may be the healthier option for both of you.

How Do I Know When I'm Ready to Start Dating Again?

Knowing when you're ready to start dating again can be tricky. After a breakup, there's often a period of healing and self-discovery that's essential before jumping into a new relationship. But how do you know when the time is right?

First, ask yourself if you're still emotionally tied to your ex. If thoughts of them still consume your mind, it's a sign you might need more time to heal before moving on. It's important to feel emotionally independent and secure in who you are, rather than seeking someone new to fill the void. The healthiest relationships come when both people feel whole on their own.

Another key indicator is excitement. Are you genuinely looking forward to meeting new people and exploring new connections? Or does the thought of dating feel like a chore? If it feels like pressure, it might be too soon. Dating should come from a place of curiosity and joy, not obligation or the need to distract yourself from lingering feelings.

Ultimately, you're ready to date again when you feel secure in yourself, have made peace with your past relationship, and are genuinely excited about the possibilities ahead.

What If My Ex Wants to Get Back Together?

When your ex reaches out, asking to get back together, it can stir up a whirlwind of emotions. On one hand, it might feel tempting to revisit the relationship. On the other, it's crucial to evaluate whether reconciling is really what's best for you both.

Before making any decisions, take a step back and reflect. Why did the relationship end? Have the issues that led to the breakup been addressed? Or are they likely to resurface again? Just because your ex wants to reconcile doesn't mean that the underlying problems have magically disappeared. Take an honest look at whether real change has happened on both sides.

In her book Attached, psychologist Dr. Amir Levine advises that “we tend to revert to old patterns in relationships unless both partners are committed to real, lasting change.” If you believe both of you are truly willing to work through the past issues with a fresh perspective, it might be worth considering. However, if you sense that it's more about comfort or fear of being alone, proceed with caution.

Remember, getting back together should be about building something healthier, not falling back into old, destructive patterns.

How to Cope with My Ex's New Partner

Seeing your ex with someone new can be one of the hardest pills to swallow after a breakup. Even if you've moved on, there's something about watching them with another person that can stir up feelings of jealousy, sadness, or even inadequacy. It's completely normal to feel this way, but it's important to remember that their new relationship has no bearing on your worth.

The first step in coping is to acknowledge your emotions without letting them take control. You might feel hurt, but this doesn't mean you've regressed or that you're still in love with your ex. Often, these feelings are tied to the idea that we've been “replaced.” But the truth is, your value isn't diminished because someone else has entered the picture.

Try to shift your focus inward. Instead of obsessing over your ex's new relationship, remind yourself of your own growth and healing. What have you learned since the breakup? How have you become stronger? Dwelling on their new partner will only keep you stuck in the past, while focusing on yourself allows you to move forward.

If you find that these emotions are overwhelming, it may be helpful to talk to a therapist or close friend. Processing these feelings with someone else can provide perspective and help you find closure. In the words of therapist and author Nedra Glover Tawwab, “We can't control other people, but we can control how we respond to what they do.” Ultimately, how you handle this situation is about your growth and emotional resilience, not their relationship.

Recommended Resources

• Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find - and Keep - Love by Dr. Amir Levine and Rachel Heller
• Rising Strong by Brené Brown
• Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence by Esther Perel
• Spark: The Revolutionary New Science of Exercise and the Brain by John Ratey
• Mindset: The New Psychology of Success by Carol Dweck