18 Things You Should NEVER Do After a Breakup! (Urgent Advice)

Key Takeaways:

Avoid contacting your ex immediately
Stop checking their social media
Don't engage in rebound relationships
Keep communication channels closed
Focus on personal healing first

1. Avoid Contacting Your Ex

When emotions are running high after a breakup, it's natural to want to reach out. Maybe you want closure, or maybe it's just a habit, but trust me—don't do it. Contacting your ex too soon can reopen wounds that are still fresh and prevent you from moving on. It's like pouring salt on a burn. Even if you think the conversation will help, more often than not, it only leads to confusion and sets you back emotionally.

Psychologically, this is known as "emotional flooding," where heightened emotions override rational decision-making. Esther Perel, renowned relationship therapist, notes that immediately post-breakup, we need space to process what happened and regain emotional clarity. She says, "Closure is a myth. Sometimes the best closure is moving on."

Give yourself time to reflect, breathe, and process things on your own terms, away from the chaos of the past relationship.

2. Don't Keep Communication Channels Open

Leaving those communication doors open—even just a crack—can lead to unnecessary pain. You might think, "Maybe we'll talk and everything will be okay." That rarely happens. Keeping communication open with an ex is like keeping a wound exposed; it never truly heals.

When you keep texting or calling your ex, you create false hope. This doesn't only delay your healing—it may cause you to stay emotionally entangled. We need distance to gain perspective. When you have constant access to someone, you end up stuck in the same emotional loop, replaying old conversations and misunderstandings.

Cutting ties early allows your brain to reset. Think of it as an emotional detox, clearing out the toxins of the relationship. You owe it to yourself to move forward without being pulled back into the past.

3. Stop Checking Their Social Media (Don't stalk their social media accounts, Don't compare yourself to their new partner)

Scrolling through your ex's social media feed might feel like a way to stay connected, but in reality, it only deepens the wound. Seeing their updates, photos, or even glimpses of their life post-breakup pulls you into an unhealthy cycle of comparison. If you see your ex moving on—or worse, with someone new—it can send you into a spiral of self-doubt and unnecessary pain.

Psychologically, social media stalking taps into what experts call "upward social comparison," where we compare ourselves to others in a way that harms our self-esteem. In breakups, this habit prolongs emotional suffering. Brené Brown says it best, "Comparison is the thief of joy." You deserve to find your own happiness without constantly looking over your shoulder at what your ex is doing.

Delete, block, or at least mute their profiles. Give yourself the space to heal in peace.

4. Don't Stay Friends with Your Ex Online

The idea of keeping a connection with your ex online seems harmless at first. But staying friends on Facebook, Instagram, or any other platform doesn't allow for the emotional distance you need to recover. It's tempting to hold on to these virtual ties because you think, “We can just be friends.” In reality, though, it's a roadblock to healing.

Online friendship with an ex leads to what we call "pseudo-intimacy," where you're not together but still feel emotionally tied to each other. This attachment holds you back from creating new connections and growing independently.

When it's time to move on, staying connected digitally can blur boundaries and keep old feelings alive. If you're serious about getting over your ex, you need to cut those online ties.

5. Avoid Asking Mutual Friends About Your Ex

It's tempting to turn to mutual friends for updates on your ex, especially if you feel like you're still connected through your shared social circle. But asking mutual friends for information only keeps you stuck in the past. You might tell yourself you're just curious, but deep down, it's a way to stay emotionally involved.

When you keep digging for details, you prolong the healing process. It drags you back into feelings of jealousy, sadness, or even anger. Remember, your friends may feel caught in the middle too, unsure of how to navigate between both of you. Let them breathe, and more importantly, give yourself the emotional space to move forward.

The sooner you stop looking for information about your ex, the faster you can focus on rebuilding your own life.

6. Don't Compare Yourself to Their New Partner

This one can sting—especially if you find out your ex has moved on with someone new. The instinct to compare yourself to their new partner can feel overwhelming. "Are they more attractive? Are they funnier? More successful?" These questions only lead to unnecessary self-doubt.

When you compare yourself to their new partner, you're falling into a trap of negative self-evaluation. Psychologists refer to this as "comparison bias," where we tend to see ourselves in a more negative light, especially when emotions are raw. Comparing yourself to someone else only makes you feel worse, and the truth is, their new relationship has nothing to do with your worth.

Focus on what you bring to the table. You are unique, and no one else can be you. Let go of the comparisons and embrace your journey forward.

7. Don't Put Your Life on Pause

Breakups can feel like your whole world has stopped, but it's crucial not to let your life come to a screeching halt. It's easy to fall into the trap of waiting—waiting for your ex to come back, waiting to feel better, waiting for things to change. But here's the thing: life doesn't wait for anyone.

You can't press pause on your happiness. Even if it feels difficult right now, continuing with your routines and passions will help pull you out of the emotional fog. Go back to the hobbies you love, spend time with people who lift you up, and don't let your personal growth take a backseat.

Author Glennon Doyle once said, "You are not here to shrink down to less but to blossom into more." Keep moving, keep growing, and don't let this momentary heartache define the next chapter of your life.

8. Don't Pretend You're Not Affected

We've all been there—telling ourselves we're fine when we're clearly not. After a breakup, it's common to put up a strong front, telling everyone (and maybe even yourself) that you're unbothered. But pushing down your emotions only makes them come out later in more unhealthy ways.

Suppressing your feelings leads to what psychologists call "emotional dissonance," where there's a mismatch between how you truly feel and how you present yourself to others. This can lead to even deeper emotional struggles, such as anxiety or prolonged grief.

It's okay to feel hurt, and it's okay to admit that the breakup affected you. Take time to grieve the loss of the relationship. Let yourself feel it, process it, and eventually, heal from it. You don't have to pretend to be okay all the time. True strength comes from facing your emotions head-on.

9. Avoid Trying to Be Friends with Your Ex

After a breakup, the idea of staying friends with your ex might seem comforting. You tell yourself it's a way to maintain some connection, to ease the transition from lovers to friends. But trying to be friends right after a breakup can be emotionally harmful. You're not giving yourself the time and space to fully heal from the relationship. Instead, you're keeping those old feelings alive.

When you remain friends too soon, you create a situation where emotional boundaries blur, and it can be confusing to both of you. One person may still have feelings, while the other is ready to move on. This imbalance can cause even more heartache. Expert breakup coach Susan Winter puts it bluntly: "You can't heal in the same place that broke you." Give yourself the time to truly let go before attempting any kind of friendship.

Friendship may be possible down the road, but only after you've both fully moved on emotionally.

10. Don't Let the Breakup Affect Your Job

It's easy to let personal issues, especially a breakup, spill into other areas of your life, but one area you want to protect is your professional life. Breakups are emotionally draining, and if you're not careful, those emotions can impact your performance at work. Missing deadlines, showing up late, or being mentally checked out can damage your professional reputation and create more stress in the long run.

It's essential to maintain a sense of structure and purpose during this time. Work can actually become a healthy distraction, giving you something productive to focus on. If you're finding it hard to stay engaged, consider reaching out to a trusted colleague or supervisor for support. Sometimes just acknowledging that you're going through a tough time can relieve some of the pressure.

Don't let the breakup take away more than it already has. Protect your career and your sense of accomplishment by staying present and focused at work.

11. Don't Isolate Yourself After a Breakup

It's easy to fall into the trap of isolation after a breakup. You feel emotionally drained, and sometimes being alone feels like the only safe option. But withdrawing from your friends, family, and social activities only deepens the feelings of loneliness. Isolation might seem like it protects you from further hurt, but in reality, it slows down your healing process.

When you surround yourself with people who care about you, you allow yourself to be supported. Whether it's a close friend or a family member, talking about how you feel or just spending time with others can lift your spirits. Psychologically, social support plays a critical role in emotional recovery. The famous “Tend and Befriend” theory by Shelley Taylor explains how, especially in stressful situations, we benefit from seeking connection rather than isolation.

Don't push people away. Let them in, even if it's just for a simple conversation or distraction. You don't have to go through this alone.

12. Avoid Rebound Relationships

The temptation to jump into a new relationship right after a breakup is strong. We often do this to distract ourselves from the pain, to fill the emotional void left by our ex. But rebound relationships rarely work out, and they can actually hinder your emotional recovery. The new relationship becomes more of a coping mechanism than a genuine connection.

Rebounds tend to be short-lived because they're based on the need for distraction rather than real compatibility. They can even lead to more heartache, both for you and the person you're involved with. Experts, like Dr. Lisa Firestone, often emphasize the importance of emotional closure before starting a new relationship. In her words, "You can't build something real on top of unresolved feelings."

Instead of rushing into something new, take time to focus on yourself. Healing first will prepare you for a healthier, more fulfilling relationship in the future.

13. Don't Say You'll Never Love Again

It's completely normal to feel like you'll never love again after a breakup, especially if the relationship was long or meaningful. In the heat of heartache, you might even convince yourself that you've lost your chance at love forever. But making such declarations—saying you'll never love again—only traps you in a mindset of scarcity. It's like closing a door on your own future happiness.

Love, like life, is fluid and ever-changing. Just because one chapter ended doesn't mean the book is over. Emotional wounds take time to heal, but healing brings growth, and with that growth comes the possibility of loving again. As relationship expert Dr. Gary Chapman says, “Love is a choice you make every day.” That choice will come again when you're ready.

Give yourself the time you need to heal, but never let the pain convince you that love is no longer possible. Your heart is resilient, and in time, it will open up again.

14. Never Contact Your Ex While Intoxicated

Alcohol and emotions don't mix well, especially when you're nursing the wounds of a recent breakup. Late-night texts or calls to your ex while intoxicated almost never end well. You might feel a surge of nostalgia or loneliness that convinces you to reach out, but making those impulsive decisions while drunk can lead to regret. Drunk texting or calling your ex is like trying to put out a fire by pouring gasoline on it—it only makes things worse.

The same goes for answering a late-night booty call. In moments of weakness, it can be tempting to think of these interactions as harmless, but they can reignite emotions that you're trying to leave behind. These encounters can make moving on harder and drag you back into an emotional mess.

Keep your phone out of reach when you're drinking, and surround yourself with friends who can help steer you away from making any impulsive decisions. You deserve to heal without unnecessary setbacks.

15. Don't Hold on to Their Belongings

Keeping your ex's belongings around may feel comforting at first, as if holding onto their sweater or that shared piece of furniture somehow keeps a part of them with you. But in reality, these objects are just emotional triggers that prevent you from fully letting go. Every time you see or touch them, you're reminded of the relationship, which makes it harder to move on.

Letting go of their things is symbolic—it's a way of telling yourself that it's time to release the past. Whether you return the items or donate them, the act of clearing out those physical reminders will help clear emotional space as well. As Marie Kondo famously advises, “Discard anything that doesn't spark joy.” In this case, these belongings are tied to a chapter that has closed, so let them go and focus on creating new memories.

You deserve to live in a space that reflects your present, not your past.

16. Stop Revisiting Your Shared Places

Going back to the places you and your ex frequented—whether it's your favorite café, the park you used to stroll through, or the restaurant where you had date nights—keeps old memories alive. While these places might hold sentimental value, revisiting them only prolongs the healing process. Each visit is like reopening a wound that hasn't fully healed.

Psychologically, this behavior is known as “nostalgic reinforcement,” where we seek comfort in familiar places despite the emotional pain they trigger. But here's the thing: you deserve to create new memories in fresh environments. Stepping away from those old places allows you to form new habits and experiences that aren't tied to your past relationship.

Explore new spots, meet new people, and redefine what comfort means for you. Healing comes when you stop living in the shadows of old memories and start building new ones.

17. Avoid Revisiting Shared Playlists

Music has a powerful way of bringing memories to life. Those shared playlists—the ones you and your ex listened to during road trips, lazy Sundays, or date nights—can instantly transport you back to moments you shared. While music can be healing, revisiting those playlists too soon after a breakup can stir up emotions you're trying to move past.

Listening to “your songs” may seem comforting, but it often ends up being a form of emotional self-sabotage. Each note, each lyric, brings back memories that prevent you from detaching and moving forward. It's best to create new playlists filled with fresh, empowering music that reflects where you are now in your life, not where you were.

Build a soundtrack for your new chapter. Music can help you heal, but only when it aligns with your current emotional state rather than pulling you back into the past.

18. How Long Does it Take to Move On After a Breakup?

The question of how long it takes to move on after a breakup is one of the most common, but the answer is never straightforward. Everyone's healing timeline is different, and there's no magic number of days or months that guarantees emotional recovery. It depends on factors like the length of the relationship, the depth of the emotional connection, and your own coping mechanisms.

Some psychologists suggest the “half the length of the relationship” rule, meaning if you dated someone for two years, it might take one year to fully heal. But even that is just a guideline, not a hard-and-fast rule. According to Dr. Terri Orbuch, a breakup recovery expert, healing requires actively processing the emotional impact, not just waiting for time to pass. She explains, “It's not the time that heals, it's what you do during that time.”

Instead of fixating on a timeline, focus on your personal journey. Healing comes in waves—some days you'll feel strong, and others you may feel vulnerable. What matters is that you're moving forward, however long it takes.

FAQ

There's no universal answer to how long a person should stay single after a breakup. The real question is: are you emotionally ready to move on? Healing is deeply personal, and some people may feel ready for a new relationship within months, while others might need a year or more. What's important is not rushing into anything before you've fully processed the end of your previous relationship.

Experts often suggest that taking time for self-reflection and growth after a breakup is essential. According to Dr. Susan J. Elliott, author of "Getting Past Your Breakup," it's crucial to wait until you're emotionally independent and not seeking someone new just to fill a void. She advises, "You'll know you're ready to date when you're not afraid of being alone."

During this time of being single, focus on rediscovering yourself—your hobbies, your passions, and what makes you happy. When you feel secure in who you are outside of a relationship, you'll naturally be ready to move forward with someone new, whenever that may be.

Sign In