15 Proven Steps to Finally Get Over Him (No Regrets)

Key Takeaways:

• Acceptance is the first step.
• Time and self-care are crucial.
• Reflect on lessons learned.
• Surround yourself with support.
• Focus on your personal growth.

Why Getting Over a Man is Harder Than You Think

Let's be real—getting over a man can feel like the most challenging thing you've ever faced. It's not just about the end of a relationship; it's the end of dreams, plans, and a part of your identity that was tied to him. This emotional rollercoaster is why so many of us find it hard to move on.

But here's the thing: we're not just saying this to be dramatic. There are psychological reasons why letting go feels impossible, even when you know deep down that it's the best thing for you. Our brains are wired to seek comfort and familiarity, so when that's ripped away, it's like trying to walk with a broken leg—it's painful, and you're not sure you'll ever heal.

Recognize That This Relationship is Over for Now

The first and arguably the hardest step in getting over a guy is accepting that the relationship is truly over—for now. This doesn't mean you won't think about him or even miss him, but it's about acknowledging the reality of the situation.

Denial is a powerful thing. You might find yourself clinging to the hope that he'll come back, that things will magically change. But holding onto false hope only prolongs your pain. As the famous psychologist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross said, “Denial helps us to pace our feelings of grief. There is a grace in denial. It is nature's way of letting in only as much as we can handle.” However, once you move past denial, the healing can begin.

Give Yourself Time to Heal

Healing from a breakup isn't a sprint; it's a marathon. You need time—time to grieve, time to reflect, and time to rediscover who you are outside of the relationship. This is not something you can rush, no matter how much you wish you could. In a world that's constantly telling us to “move on” and “get over it,” it's easy to feel pressured to heal quickly. But the truth is, emotional healing takes time, and that's okay.

Think of it like a physical wound. If you cut yourself, you wouldn't expect it to heal overnight. You'd take care of it, clean it, and give it the necessary time to close up and form a scar. Your emotional wounds deserve the same care and patience. Allow yourself to heal at your own pace, and don't let anyone make you feel like you're taking too long.

Feel the Pain, Don't Numb It

One of the most important steps in getting over a guy is allowing yourself to truly feel the pain. I know, it sounds counterintuitive—who wants to feel pain, right? But avoiding or numbing your feelings only prolongs the inevitable. It's like putting off a dentist appointment because you're scared of the drill; the longer you wait, the worse it gets.

Our culture often tells us to keep busy, distract ourselves, and push the pain away. But what happens when you're alone with your thoughts, and there's nothing to distract you? The pain is still there, waiting to be felt. As the renowned psychiatrist Carl Jung once said, “What you resist, persists.” Ignoring your emotions won't make them disappear; it will only make them grow louder.

So, sit with your pain. Cry if you need to. Write in a journal. Talk to a friend. Do whatever you need to do to let those emotions flow through you. It might feel overwhelming at first, but over time, you'll find that the more you allow yourself to feel, the less power those feelings will have over you.

Understand Whether You Truly Want Him Back

It's natural to feel the pull of wanting him back, especially in the early stages of a breakup. Your mind starts to play tricks on you, romanticizing the relationship, and suddenly, all you can remember are the good times. But before you let nostalgia lead you down a path of regret, ask yourself this crucial question: Do you truly want him back, or are you just afraid of being alone?

Take a step back and look at the relationship from a distance. Was it really as perfect as you're remembering? Were your needs truly met? Did he make you feel valued and loved? Or are you clinging to the idea of what you wished the relationship could have been? These are tough questions, but answering them honestly is key to moving forward.

Sometimes, the fear of the unknown can make us want to return to what's familiar, even if it wasn't good for us. But remember, just because something feels comfortable doesn't mean it's right. Trust that if the relationship wasn't serving you, letting go is the healthiest choice you can make.

Get Your Friends Together and Lean on Them

In times of heartache, your friends are your lifeline. Don't underestimate the power of having a strong support system around you. They're the ones who will remind you of your worth, keep you grounded, and offer a shoulder to cry on when the nights get too long. Friends are the family we choose, and in moments like these, they play a vital role in your healing process.

Reach out to your closest friends and let them know what you're going through. Plan a girls' night, take a weekend trip, or even just meet up for coffee. Surrounding yourself with people who care about you will help you feel less isolated in your pain. Plus, they can provide you with the much-needed perspective you might be lacking.

Sometimes, all you need is a reminder that you're not alone in this. Whether they're offering advice, making you laugh, or just sitting with you in silence, your friends can help you navigate this difficult time. As the saying goes, “A true friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.” Lean on them—they want to be there for you.

Find the Bigger Picture: What You Learned

Every relationship, no matter how it ends, teaches us something valuable. It's easy to get caught up in the pain and disappointment, but taking a step back to find the lessons in your experience can be incredibly empowering. Ask yourself, what did this relationship teach you about love, about yourself, and about what you truly need in a partner?

Maybe you learned the importance of setting boundaries, or perhaps you discovered that you're stronger than you ever imagined. Even the most painful breakups can offer a wealth of knowledge that you can carry with you into future relationships. By focusing on what you've gained, rather than what you've lost, you start to shift your perspective from one of sadness to one of growth.

Finding the bigger picture isn't about dismissing your feelings or pretending the pain doesn't exist. It's about acknowledging the hurt while also recognizing that there's something to be learned here. Every ending is also a beginning, and with the right mindset, you can turn this experience into a stepping stone toward a better, more fulfilling future.

Look at the Downside of the Relationship

When you're trying to get over someone, your mind has a way of only showing you the highlight reel—the fun dates, the sweet gestures, the inside jokes. But it's important to remember that there were downsides too, and those downsides are just as much a part of the relationship as the good times.

Maybe there were moments when you felt unheard, unloved, or even disrespected. Perhaps there were red flags you chose to ignore because you were so invested in making things work. Reflecting on these aspects of the relationship isn't about dwelling on the negative; it's about seeing the situation for what it really was, not just what you wished it could have been.

Being honest with yourself about the less-than-ideal parts of the relationship can help you understand why it needed to end. It's not about vilifying the other person; it's about being realistic. Remember, relationships are supposed to lift you up, not bring you down. If you can identify the ways in which this relationship wasn't serving you, it will be easier to let go and move forward.

Do Something for Yourself: Rediscovering You

Breakups often leave us feeling lost, as if a part of our identity has vanished. That's why it's so important to do something just for you—something that reconnects you with who you are, outside of the relationship. This could be as simple as picking up a hobby you used to love, trying something new that excites you, or even taking a solo trip to clear your mind and gain a fresh perspective.

Think of this time as an opportunity to rediscover yourself. Who were you before the relationship, and who do you want to become? By focusing on your own growth and happiness, you begin to fill the void left by the breakup with things that are meaningful and fulfilling. It's not about distracting yourself from the pain; it's about nurturing the parts of you that may have been neglected.

Remember, your life is yours to shape. This is your chance to prioritize yourself, to invest in your own well-being, and to explore the things that make you feel alive. By doing so, you'll find that you're not just moving on from the relationship—you're moving toward a brighter, more authentic version of yourself.

Date Other People: Not to Forget, But to Grow

One of the biggest mistakes people make after a breakup is rushing into dating to try and forget their ex. But dating isn't about erasing the past; it's about growing from it. When you start seeing other people, do it with the intention of learning more about yourself, what you want, and what you don't want in a relationship.

Take your time and don't feel pressured to jump into something serious right away. Casual dating can be a healthy way to reintroduce yourself to the idea of romance without the heavy expectations. It allows you to meet new people, have fun, and explore different dynamics that can help you better understand your own needs and desires.

But remember, the goal isn't to find someone who replaces your ex; it's to continue your journey of self-discovery. By approaching dating with an open mind and a focus on personal growth, you're not just moving on—you're evolving. And who knows? You might just find someone who complements the person you're becoming, rather than the person you used to be.

Try Being Happy for Him (Without Resentment)

This one's tough, I won't lie. But learning to be happy for your ex, even if it feels impossible at first, can be incredibly liberating. Resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to suffer—it only harms you. Instead, try to find peace in the fact that both of you are on your own paths, and those paths no longer align.

This doesn't mean you have to be thrilled about his new relationship or the life he's building without you. But acknowledging that everyone deserves happiness, including him, can help you release the bitterness that's holding you back. It's a process, and it doesn't happen overnight, but with time, you might find that wishing him well helps you heal too.

Being happy for him doesn't diminish your pain or invalidate your experience. It simply means you're choosing to let go of negative emotions that no longer serve you. Remember, your happiness is your priority now, and you don't need to carry the weight of resentment any longer.

Recognize How You Let This Happen and Learn

It's easy to play the blame game after a breakup, but self-reflection is where true growth happens. Take a moment to consider your role in the relationship and how things unfolded. This isn't about blaming yourself, but rather about understanding the choices you made and the patterns you may have fallen into.

Did you ignore red flags? Were you compromising your values or needs to keep the peace? Did you lose yourself in the relationship, forgetting to prioritize your own well-being? These are difficult questions, but answering them honestly can provide you with valuable insights for the future.

Every relationship teaches us something about ourselves, and it's important to carry those lessons forward. By recognizing how you let certain things happen, you empower yourself to make better choices next time. This is how you break cycles and ensure that your future relationships are healthier and more fulfilling.

Remember, self-awareness is the first step toward personal growth. Embrace it, learn from it, and use it to become the best version of yourself. You deserve a relationship that enriches your life, not one that diminishes it.

Use This Heartbreak as Inspiration for Your Next Move

Heartbreak has a way of knocking the wind out of you, but it can also be a powerful catalyst for change. Instead of letting this pain consume you, try channeling it into something productive—something that drives you forward rather than holding you back. This could be the perfect time to pursue a new goal, take on a project you've been putting off, or even reinvent yourself in ways you never imagined.

Think of it as turning pain into power. Some of the most successful people have used their lowest moments as a springboard for greatness. When life hands you heartbreak, let it fuel your determination to create something beautiful. Whether it's starting a new career, picking up a creative hobby, or even making a positive change in your lifestyle, this is your opportunity to redefine your path.

Don't underestimate the strength that comes from surviving a breakup. You've been through something tough, and you're still standing. Use that resilience to inspire your next move. After all, the best revenge is living well—and living well starts with doing something that makes you feel alive again.

Love Yourself Enough to Move On

At the end of the day, the most important relationship you'll ever have is the one with yourself. Loving yourself enough to move on means recognizing your worth and refusing to settle for anything less than you deserve. It's about putting your well-being first and letting go of anything—or anyone—that doesn't contribute to your happiness.

Moving on doesn't mean you're erasing the memories or dismissing the love you once had. It means you're choosing to prioritize yourself, your growth, and your future. It's a bold and brave act of self-love, one that requires you to trust in your own resilience and believe that better things are ahead.

Take time to nurture yourself, to heal, and to reconnect with what makes you, you. This is your journey, and you're in control of how it unfolds. By loving yourself enough to move on, you're not just closing a chapter—you're writing a new one, filled with the possibility of joy, fulfillment, and love that truly honors who you are.

Find Things You Hate About Him (It's Therapeutic!)

It might sound a bit harsh, but focusing on the things you didn't like about him can actually be incredibly therapeutic. When you're caught up in the emotions of a breakup, it's easy to idealize your ex and forget all the reasons why the relationship didn't work out. But let's be real—no one is perfect, and there were probably plenty of things that annoyed or frustrated you.

Take some time to reflect on those less-than-pleasant aspects of the relationship. Maybe he was unreliable, or perhaps he didn't communicate well. Maybe he had habits that drove you up the wall, or he wasn't as supportive as you needed him to be. Whatever it was, acknowledging these flaws can help you see that you're not just losing something precious—you're also freeing yourself from things that weren't serving you.

Making a list of these things can be a great way to remind yourself why the breakup was a necessary step toward a healthier, happier life. It's not about holding onto negativity; it's about being honest with yourself and recognizing that there were valid reasons for the relationship to end. Sometimes, focusing on the negatives can actually be a positive step toward healing.

It's Not You, It's Him: Stop Blaming Yourself

When a relationship ends, it's common to start questioning yourself. What did I do wrong? Could I have done something differently? These thoughts can spiral into self-blame, making you feel like the breakup was entirely your fault. But let's be clear—it wasn't. Relationships are a two-way street, and the issues that led to the breakup were likely a result of both your actions and his.

It's important to remember that you're not responsible for his choices or behavior. If he didn't appreciate you, if he took you for granted, or if he couldn't meet your needs, that's on him—not you. Blaming yourself only prolongs the healing process and keeps you stuck in a cycle of guilt and regret.

Instead, focus on what you can learn from the experience without taking on unnecessary blame. Understand that sometimes, people grow apart, and that's okay. You did the best you could with what you knew at the time, and now it's time to let go of the blame and start embracing your own worth. You deserve someone who sees that worth from the start, and that begins with you seeing it in yourself.

5 Myths About Moving On and How to Really Get Over Him

When it comes to getting over a breakup, there's no shortage of advice—some of it helpful, some of it not so much. We've all heard the clichés: “Time heals all wounds,” “You need closure to move on,” and so on. But the truth is, everyone's journey is different, and what works for one person might not work for another. In this section, we'll debunk five common myths about moving on and offer you some real, practical advice on how to truly get over him.

Understanding these myths can help you avoid the traps that keep many of us stuck in the grieving process longer than necessary. It's time to take a closer look at what moving on really means and how you can do it in a way that's healthy and authentic to you.

Myth 1: You Always Need Closure

Closure—it's one of those words that gets thrown around a lot after a breakup. We're told that we need it to move on, that without it, we'll never be able to fully let go. But here's the thing: closure isn't always possible, and sometimes, it's not even necessary.

The idea that you need to have a final conversation or gain a deeper understanding of why things ended can keep you tied to the past, waiting for answers that may never come. Not every relationship ends neatly, with all questions answered and all emotions resolved. And that's okay.

Sometimes, closure comes from within. It's about accepting that you may never fully understand why things happened the way they did, and choosing to move forward anyway. It's about recognizing that you don't need someone else's validation to heal. As the author Cheryl Strayed once wrote, “Acceptance is a small, quiet room.” Finding your own closure might be a quiet, internal process, but it's powerful nonetheless.

Myth 2: All You Need is Time

We've all heard the saying, “Time heals all wounds.” While time does play a role in the healing process, it's not the magic fix that many make it out to be. Simply waiting for the days to pass won't necessarily bring you the closure or peace you're seeking. Time is a factor, but it's what you do with that time that really counts.

Sitting around, hoping that you'll wake up one day and feel better, isn't enough. Healing requires active participation. This might mean seeking therapy, engaging in self-reflection, or taking steps to rebuild your life in a way that's fulfilling and healthy. The passage of time alone doesn't guarantee healing; it's the intentional actions you take during that time that truly make a difference.

Think of it this way: if you broke your leg, would you just sit around waiting for it to heal on its own, or would you go to a doctor, get a cast, and follow their advice to ensure a proper recovery? Your heart deserves the same care and attention. Time is a tool, but how you use it determines your healing journey.

Myth 3: You Should Have Moved On By X Amount of Time

There's no universal timeline for getting over someone, and the pressure to “move on” within a certain period can be incredibly harmful. Whether it's three months, six months, or even a year, society often imposes arbitrary deadlines on our grief, making us feel like we're failing if we're still hurting after a certain point.

The truth is, everyone heals at their own pace, and that's okay. Some people might bounce back quickly, while others need more time to process and heal. Comparing your journey to someone else's only adds unnecessary pressure and can make you feel worse about your progress. There's no right or wrong timeline—only what's right for you.

Instead of focusing on how long it's taking you to move on, focus on the quality of your healing. Are you taking steps to care for yourself? Are you learning and growing from the experience? These are the markers of true progress, not the number of days that have passed since the breakup.

Remember, healing is not linear, and it doesn't follow a set schedule. Allow yourself the grace to move through this process at your own pace, without the added burden of unrealistic expectations.

Myth 4: Distractions Will Help You Move On Faster

It's tempting to fill your days with distractions in an attempt to forget about him. Whether it's throwing yourself into work, binge-watching TV shows, or going out every night, distractions can seem like a quick fix for a broken heart. But here's the reality: distractions might offer temporary relief, but they don't address the underlying pain.

Using distractions to avoid dealing with your emotions is like putting a bandage on a wound without cleaning it first. It might cover up the problem for a while, but eventually, it's going to fester. True healing comes from facing your emotions head-on, not running from them. This doesn't mean you have to wallow in sadness, but it does mean giving yourself the time and space to process what you're feeling.

Distractions can be a part of your coping strategy, but they shouldn't be your entire strategy. Balance is key. Allow yourself moments of distraction to give your mind a break, but also make time for reflection, self-care, and emotional processing. It's this combination that will help you move on in a healthy and meaningful way.

Myth 5: Missing Him Means You Belong Together

Missing someone after a breakup is natural—it's a sign that you cared deeply about the relationship. However, just because you miss him doesn't mean you're meant to be together. It's easy to confuse longing with love, but they're not the same thing.

When you miss someone, you're often missing the comfort, the familiarity, and the routine you shared. But these feelings don't necessarily mean that the relationship was right for you. Sometimes, we miss people because they were a significant part of our lives, not because they were the right person for us.

Remember that it's possible to miss someone and still recognize that the relationship wasn't healthy or fulfilling. Missing him doesn't invalidate your decision to move on; it's simply a part of the grieving process. As you continue to heal, those feelings of longing will start to fade, and you'll begin to see the breakup for what it was—a necessary step toward finding someone who truly aligns with your values, needs, and future.

Missing him is a natural part of the process, but it's not a reason to go back. Trust that there's something better ahead, and give yourself the space to discover what that might be.

Are You Still Struggling to Move On?

If you've been doing all the right things—taking time for yourself, leaning on friends, reflecting on the relationship—and you still find yourself struggling to move on, know that you're not alone. Healing isn't a straight line, and it's okay to feel like you're stuck, even after putting in the work.

Sometimes, the pain lingers because there's still a lesson to be learned or a piece of yourself that needs nurturing. It might be helpful to explore these feelings further, perhaps with the guidance of a therapist who can offer a fresh perspective. There's no shame in seeking help when you need it; in fact, it's a sign of strength and self-awareness.

Remember, moving on doesn't mean erasing the past or forgetting the love you shared. It means accepting that it's a part of your story, but not the whole story. Allow yourself the time and space to heal, and trust that, eventually, you will find peace. The most important thing is that you continue to prioritize your well-being and take steps toward a brighter future, even if they're small steps.

You deserve to move forward and find happiness, whether that's on your own or with someone new. Don't rush the process, and don't be hard on yourself if it takes longer than you expected. Healing is a journey, and every step you take brings you closer to a better, more fulfilled version of yourself.

Recommended Resources

• “The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle – A guide to living in the present and letting go of past pain.
• “Rising Strong” by Brené Brown – Learn how to rise after falling and embrace vulnerability in the process.
• “Attached” by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller – Understand your attachment style and how it impacts your relationships.