10 Steps to Get Over a Breakup (That Really Work!)

Key Takeaways:

• Recognize your emotions
• Give yourself time
• Limit contact with ex
• Rely on friends and family
• Prioritize self-care

Understanding the Pain of Breakup

Breaking up is never easy. It feels like a part of you has been ripped away, leaving a gaping hole that seems impossible to fill. The pain of a breakup is real and valid. You might be experiencing a range of emotions from sadness to anger, and even relief. This mix of feelings can be confusing and overwhelming.

Psychologically, breakups can trigger a response similar to physical pain. Studies have shown that the same areas of the brain that light up when we experience physical pain are activated during emotional pain, such as a breakup. This is why it can feel so unbearable at times.

Allow Yourself to Grieve

Grieving is a natural response to loss, and a breakup is a significant loss. Allow yourself to go through the stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. You might not experience them in order, and some stages may come and go. That's perfectly normal.

During this time, it's important to be kind to yourself. You don't have to rush through your emotions or pretend everything is okay when it's not. Acknowledge your feelings and give yourself permission to feel them. As Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross said, "The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of those depths."

Cut Off Contact

One of the most challenging yet crucial steps in getting over a breakup is cutting off contact with your ex. Keeping in touch, whether through texts, social media, or mutual friends, can hinder your healing process. Every message or update can reopen wounds and set you back on your journey to recovery.

Removing reminders of your ex can help you move forward. This might mean unfollowing them on social media, deleting their number, and avoiding places you used to visit together. It's not about being spiteful; it's about giving yourself the space you need to heal.

Psychologist Dr. Guy Winch, author of "How to Fix a Broken Heart," suggests that "The first step to emotional recovery is to make a clean break." By doing so, you allow yourself to begin the process of detaching and rediscovering your identity outside of the relationship.

Rediscover Yourself

Breakups often leave us feeling lost and unsure of who we are without our partner. This is a perfect opportunity to reconnect with yourself and rediscover your passions and interests. Think about the activities you enjoyed before the relationship or things you've always wanted to try but never had the chance to.

Take this time to explore new hobbies, set personal goals, and invest in your growth. Whether it's taking up a new sport, learning a language, or pursuing a creative project, these activities can bring a sense of fulfillment and joy. As you immerse yourself in new experiences, you'll start to rebuild your sense of self and gain confidence.

Author and researcher Brené Brown emphasizes the importance of self-compassion during this phase. She says, "Talk to yourself like you would to someone you love." Be patient with your progress and celebrate the small victories along the way.

Lean on Your Support System

During a breakup, it's essential to lean on your support system. Friends and family can provide the emotional support you need to navigate this difficult time. They offer a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on, and sometimes, a bit of distraction from your pain.

Reaching out to your loved ones and sharing your feelings can lighten your emotional burden. They can offer different perspectives, comfort, and even some laughter when you need it most. Remember, you don't have to go through this alone.

As relationship expert Dr. John Gottman points out, "The quality of our social relationships is the single most consistent predictor of a long and happy life." Surrounding yourself with caring individuals can significantly impact your recovery process, making it a bit easier to cope with the breakup.

Engage in Physical Activity

Exercise is a powerful tool for managing stress and improving your mood. Physical activity releases endorphins, the body's natural feel-good chemicals, which can help alleviate the emotional pain of a breakup. Whether it's going for a run, joining a gym, or practicing yoga, find an activity that you enjoy and make it a part of your routine.

Staying active not only boosts your mental health but also helps you regain a sense of control and accomplishment. It provides a healthy outlet for your emotions and can be a great way to meet new people and build new social connections.

Renowned psychologist Dr. Michael Otto says, "Exercise is the single best thing you can do for your brain in terms of mood, memory, and learning." So, lace up those sneakers and get moving – your mind and body will thank you.

Focus on Self-Care

Taking care of yourself is crucial during the healing process. Breakups can take a toll on your physical and emotional well-being, so it's important to prioritize self-care. This means paying attention to your needs and doing things that nurture your mind, body, and spirit.

Start with the basics: ensure you're getting enough sleep, eating nutritious meals, and staying hydrated. Pamper yourself with activities that make you feel good, such as taking a warm bath, reading a favorite book, or practicing mindfulness and meditation.

Self-care also involves setting boundaries and saying no to things that drain your energy. It's okay to take a step back from social obligations if you need to focus on your recovery. Remember, you deserve to be kind to yourself. As author and self-care advocate Audre Lorde said, "Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare."

Avoid Rebound Relationships

After a breakup, you might feel tempted to jump into a new relationship to fill the void. However, rebound relationships often serve as a distraction rather than a genuine connection, and they can complicate your healing process.

It's important to give yourself time to heal and reflect on what you truly want in a partner. Rushing into a new relationship without processing your previous one can lead to unresolved issues and repeated patterns. Allow yourself the space to rediscover your identity and learn from your past experiences.

Dr. Guy Winch, in his book "How to Fix a Broken Heart," advises against using new relationships as a way to cope with a breakup. He emphasizes that "taking time to heal is crucial to avoid bringing old baggage into a new relationship." By focusing on your recovery first, you set a solid foundation for healthier and more fulfilling future relationships.

Seek Professional Help if Needed

Sometimes, the pain of a breakup can feel overwhelming, and you might find it difficult to cope on your own. If this is the case, seeking professional help can be a valuable step in your healing process. Therapists and counselors are trained to help you navigate complex emotions and provide strategies to manage your feelings.

Therapy can offer a safe space to express your thoughts and work through your grief. A mental health professional can help you understand your emotional responses, identify patterns, and develop healthy coping mechanisms. There's no shame in asking for help; it's a sign of strength and self-awareness.

As renowned psychologist Dr. John M. Grohol states, "Seeking therapy after a breakup can provide a constructive outlet for your emotions and guide you through the healing process." Remember, you don't have to go through this alone – professional support can make a significant difference.

Embrace New Experiences

A breakup, while painful, also presents an opportunity for growth and new beginnings. Embracing new experiences can help you rediscover joy and excitement in life. Try stepping out of your comfort zone and exploring activities or hobbies that interest you.

Travel to a place you've never been, take a class, or join a club. Meeting new people and engaging in different activities can broaden your perspective and introduce you to new passions. These experiences can bring a sense of adventure and help you build a fulfilling life independent of your past relationship.

According to positive psychology expert Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky, "Engaging in new and challenging activities can significantly enhance your well-being and overall happiness." Embrace this period of change as a chance to grow and create new memories that reflect your personal journey.

FAQs on Getting Over a Breakup

How long does it take to get over a breakup?

There is no set timeline for getting over a breakup. It varies from person to person, depending on the length and intensity of the relationship, as well as individual coping mechanisms. It's important to be patient with yourself and allow the healing process to unfold naturally.

Is it normal to still have feelings for my ex?

Yes, it's completely normal to still have feelings for your ex, even after the relationship has ended. Emotions don't turn off like a switch, and it's okay to acknowledge these feelings as part of your healing journey. Over time, these feelings will likely diminish as you continue to focus on yourself and your well-being.

Should I stay friends with my ex?

Staying friends with your ex can be complicated and is not always advisable, especially in the immediate aftermath of a breakup. It's important to take the time to heal and establish boundaries. If, after some time, you both feel that a friendship is possible without rekindling romantic feelings, it can be considered, but only if it benefits your emotional health.

Recommended Resources

• "How to Fix a Broken Heart" by Guy Winch
• "The Journey from Abandonment to Healing" by Susan Anderson
• "Rising Strong" by Brené Brown