Dear eNotAlone: My husband and I are experiencing an 18-year age gap in our marriage and while we love each other deeply, this has caused some issues. We're not too far apart in terms of life experiences but we have very different interests and trajectories. He was established in his career when we got together but I'm still building mine and trying to break away from a certain life pattern that my parents had habituated me to. On the surface, things seem great between us but I worry about the impact of this age gap on our relationship in the future. How can we best cope with the age gap- related challenges that arise and make sure we stay happy and content together?
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It doesn't matter if age gaps are five, ten, or twenty years – any type of a gap can cause complications for relationships. However, with communication and patience, an 18-year age gap can be bridged successfully. Here's some advice to keep in mind as you navigate this situation.
First and foremost, focus on what brought you together. Maybe you have an interest in music that you both enjoy, have similar perspectives on parenting and raising children, or share a commitment to healthy living. Rather than obsessing over the ways in which you may be different due to the age gap, use those venues of shared interests to celebrate your connection and bring you closer together.
It's also important to have open and honest communication with each other. Discuss your values, goals, expectations, and any apprehensions you may have about the age gap. Talking through how you both feel will help you understand each other better, respect one another's views, and create an environment of trust and understanding. Try to avoid "deflection" conversations where one of you may be leading the conversation off of an age gap-related topic, as this will only delay progress in resolving any issues.
It's also helpful to recognize any areas of compromise that need to be made. For example, maybe one partner is more career-oriented while the other may prioritize spending time with family, or if one enjoys outdoor activities while the other prefers to stay home. You don't have to have the same exact interests, but being aware of potential compromises will help you both find a middle ground and allow each of you to feel comfortable in your relationship.
Remember, times have changed and it's not uncommon for couples of various ages to find themselves in successful, loving relationships. There will be issues to overcome — that's life — but as long as you stay focused on the positives and communicate regularly, there's no reason why your relationship shouldn't be able to survive and thrive.
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